Tuesday, April 26, 2011


Ever since my childhood accident in which I had a death experience, I’ve never dreaded dying. However, my will to live was strengthened in having a wife and children. I have a lot to live for. Even so, eventually after my cancer diagnosis I came to accept the inevitability of my death as being something that was closer than it had been since that childhood accident. I came to think of death as something which must happen at some point anyway in the course of history. Then, I’ll be remembered for a time but forgotten within a matter of generations in the same way that I can’t name a single relative that lived a handful of generations ago. That’s just the way it goes. In the meantime, I hope to have been found in the Book of Life and enjoying the blessings of heaven. This Easter weekend it was different though. With the gathering of the family I felt the will to live surge within me. Peering at my wife and children, I felt the dread of dying for perhaps the first time. Now, if I can just get my energy level back up to match the surge I’ve felt. It seems that every little thing wears me out. It feels like there is an obstacle out there in front of me that I have a choice to crawl over or stop at its base. I know that I must push on.

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