Saturday, April 2, 2011


When we hear about disruptive children/young adults, there’s generally a parent who makes excuses for the behavior close by. To them, there is always a “good reason” why the child acted that way he did, and the parent doesn’t see himself as making excuses…he’s just explaining. Of course, this is the very reason that the child is disruptive: Parents making excuses (explanations) rather than corrections. Indeed, it’s difficult to take corrective action with our children because it feels like we’re taking action against them rather than shaping their positive maturity. Thus, our emotions have obscured our vision. Letting our emotions make our decisions is perhaps the greatest cause of poor decisions. We are not supposed to act and react based merely on how we feel. Positions of authority necessitate an approach which leads with vision and forbearance rather than feelings. There are few decisions more important than how we raise our children. Our approach shouldn’t be to excuse, justify, or explain-away poor behavior. Our love for our children should give us the courage to do the right thing for their maturity. If we lack loving courage, we’ll try to smooth things over with rationalizations and excuses instead of confront poor behavior. Making excuses for our children’s poor behavior is giving them an excuse to fail at proper emotional development.

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