Clock of Life

Well, the liner of our swimming pool was old and getting holes in it. It was time to replace it. However, we’ve considered for quite a while to just fill the pool in. We don’t use it all that much anymore as compared to the tending it requires. I especially use the pool sparingly as the water has to be warm for my arm and even then I don’t swim much because of swimming’s impact on my arm. Eileen is only moderately comfortable in the water and our daughter uses it less and less too. Further, if I’m not feeling well, the pool still has to be tended to. If I didn’t tend to it, it would put more upon Eileen to do, especially in the years to come. So, we decided to fill it in rather than replace the liner. The pool was nice while we had it but especially since personal energy is a commodity these days, we’d rather expend our energies on items other than on pool maintenance.
Life is full of choices and changes; cancer has precipitated even more of them than we were ready to make. Even without that, various stages of life also present us with choices and changes. I think we would have made the same pool choice even if cancer wasn’t complicating the picture. It was just time. There are choices and changes that we all have to make as the clock of life ticks forward.

In Pursuit

So, our baseball playing son was to be home yesterday afternoon but there was a glitch in the plans. With airline ticket in hand, a roster problem caused the Phillies to ask our son for a favor. They asked him to stay on for a few more days to help them out. He obliged. The Phillies were thankful and told him that if he ever needs a personal recommendation that they would be glad to provide it. Our son’s life-long goal of playing professional baseball is coming to an end, and although he has to change his career goals, we are thankful that he is keeping a balanced head through the process.
As parents, we all hope that our children’s dreams can be fulfilled. Yet, we often lose sight of some of the most important blessings in life when we get too focused on their finish line. The real blessing in all of our lives is found in the pursuit of our goals, not in the goals themselves. It’s in the pursuit that we learn the lessons of perseverance, character, endurance, and encouragement. It’s where we learn to mature in our interactions with people amidst our challenges. However, if we are so focused on the finish line, which is retirement for some, then we often miss the greatest blessings of life along the way. Whether it’s the goals of our children or our own goals, it’s good to remember that life is lived between the lines: The start line and the finish line. Whether we meet our goals or not, the person we become in the pursuit is what really matters, much more so than the goal itself.

With Honor

So here is the deal. Except for the afternoon of my wonder nap, this has been a rough week. Only twice have I been to sleep before 3am. The upside is that it gives me plenty of time to think about things which I’m going to blog about in these next several posts!! But I want to be clear about one thing. I well know of the plight of people taking the same Gleevec dosage but they have terrible reactions. Mine are minimal in comparison. Although some patients escape the rapture of Gleevec, most do not. Furthermore, there are much harsher chemo drugs out there which put people through living hell. Thank God, that’s not me.
I have two main audiences for this blog. First, I have those who like the life lessons and life issue posts. Secondly, there are those who just want to know how I’m doing. I try to keep a mix of both, although formulated to keep the symptom reports to a minimum. I don’t like to dwell on the symptoms and I don’t like others to view me as a bag of symptoms either. Over all, I’m doing well…in comparison. Even the sleepless nights are nothing new and have been a factor of my arm for years. It’s just that the Gleevec adds substantially to the drama. If I could get rid of either the arm symptoms or Gleevec symptoms, I’d get rid of the arm problems. I can “stomach” the Gleevec and push on. The arm is almost always the genesis of my misery. So, weep not for me; I’m doing just fine like I have for years.
In other news, our baseball playing son is coming home a few days early. I mentioned the other day that he is retiring from the Phillies. Since he gave them notice, he was relegated to help in the bullpen but wouldn’t be playing. However, in the 16th inning (yes, 16th inning) of a game they needed him. He went in and made some “game saving” (according to the announcer) plays and bunted the winning run to third. The point is, he could have given a half-hearted attempt since he would be leaving in a week or so. But he gave it his all. Yesterday the manager called him in to talk to him. He said that usually when someone retires he is on his own to get home. However, since he’s a "good guy" etc, they are going to pay for his plane trip home, luggage, and let him go home early but pay him up to his retirement day. Our son is very appreciative. As I told him the other day, we can’t always control what happens to us but we can always react in a way in which we hold our head high and act with honor.

Grin and Bear It

I was very thankful for feeling as well as I did yesterday afternoon for as long as did. But I suppose good things come to an end sometimes. As my stomach and arm steadily misbehaved, the rest of my symptoms made an appearance too. They just couldn’t leave well enough alone!! So, I finally got to sleep at about 3:30 or 4am early Tuesday morning. I was on the go all day Tuesday and didn’t get a nap. I hope that my weariness this evening can out-duel my stomach and arm tonight even though I just took another dose of Gleevec. If I didn’t know of so many other cases in which they’d gladly trade me stations in life, I might complain and whine a little. But for as long as I can draw a breath I hope to stay on the positive side of the curve.
In tomorrow’s blog I want to begin a conversation about some items on my mind. I'll talk to you then.

Wonder Nap

Monday started out as most days do. I got myself out of bed, went to a meeting, ran a few errands, and then back home. By about noon I was feeling very rough. I ate lunch and then took a nap. I slept for about three hours only awaking to answer the telephone several times. However, when I finally got up I felt like a new man. I haven’t felt that good in a very long while and it was good timing too. This was our youngest daughter’s sixteenth birthday and we had plans. I was able to truly enjoy our outing without something (pain) competing very hard for my attention. It was a great breath of fresh air and I am very thankful. The good feeling lasted until the evening when I had to take my Gleevec. Soon afterwards my stomach began its wayward behavior and I did some typing which generally awakens my arm. Still though, it wasn’t too bad and I was nearly euphoric over how well I felt, regardless of how long it lasted.
I am constantly reminded of how blessed I am. I’m so thankful to God for my wonder nap.

What I’ve Learned

In a phone conversation with our younger son last night, he confirmed his decision to retire from professional baseball and return back to school. He told the Phillies that his retirement will be effective July 31st.
We knew he had been thinking about this decision for quite a while as he made application to University of West Florida and transferred his credits from University of South Alabama. He’s had a great baseball career. Now he’ll pursue a different career.
In other news, a friend from North Carolina emailed me yesterday and asked what I had learned through my cancer journey thus far. The rest of this blog will be the crux of what I wrote back to her:
What have I learned? Dispersed through my last week or so of blog posts I’ve written about attitude and perspective. That is perhaps what I’ve learned the most in this journey. Regardless of what happens to the physical body, I still have sway over my attitude. I’ve also learned that regardless of how long the battle might be, my faithfulness and diligence must persevere. As I wrote someone the other day, “Just because I have cancer doesn’t mean that I can be a jerk to Eileen or anyone else.” Having cancer, another malady, or any other hardship is not an excuse to let our animalistic instincts and tendencies roam. That is, to let ourselves be governed by our natural tendencies toward bitterness, envy, inconsiderateness, or other Self-serving attitudes. Instead, we have to choose to live life on a higher (spiritual) plane. That is, count our blessings, be thankful always, and find the good in everything. Finally, I’ve learned more clearly that death is not a matter of “if” but a matter of “when.” Therefore, the “when” carries less sting and makes it more essential that I care about “how” I die. I hope to be strong enough to die living what I profess and teach.

Judgmental

There was a knock at the door yesterday evening. I answered the door and spent the next forty-five minutes trying to reeducate a person who was determined that I am going to hell solely because I am Catholic. Who knows, maybe he has some inside information but it’s unfortunate that knowing nothing about me, other than my denomination, he determined that I’m going to hell. I enjoyed the interaction although I totally frustrated him. He wanted to play gottcha but he just got himself all tangled up. I suggested that he stop judging people, especially according to their denomination without knowing anything about their relationship with God. Hopefully he left being a little less judgmental than when he came, although I doubt this fella comes back to our house.

Health Update

Eileen continues to do better although she has times when she doesn’t feel as well. She is definitely much stronger and it takes more for her to decide to sit back and take it easy. Eileen is quite careful to avoid the movements which are forbidden for her but she certainly fully utilizes the maneuvers she is allowed. Never too far is away is our youngest daughter who cheerfully helps in every way she can.
As for my status, I’m not really sure what to report other than that my symptoms are very erratic and unpredictable. That is probably the hardest thing in dealing with the pain. It’s hard to stay on top of it when the pain exacerbates when I’ve done little and is quite tolerable when I’ve been more active. For example, for the past couple of weeks, even brushing my teeth with my right hand for a moment sets my right arm off big time. Yet, on Monday I worked in the yard doing things which normally keep me from sleeping for a few days... but my arm had a rather tame response. It makes it hard to know what to mentally prepare for. I'm now on an additional prescription pain killer. I sure don't like more chemical concoctions going in me but I needed to do something.
My stomach is misbehaving more than it has in several months. I’m not sure what is going on there. However, my leg cramps and bone pain are mysteriously somewhat better. I don’t need to know why; I’m just thankful for the decreased pain and aggravation, especially when trying to sleep. My fatigue is fairly pronounced although I think some of it is from being laid back too long. We were gone for a week and then I did little for the following two weeks while Eileen was recovering. Now that I’m going again, I have to regain my stamina. Overall, we’re doing well.

Less Traveled

I hope that these last several blog posts remind us that we can’t merely show up for life. It’s incumbent upon us to live life on a plane higher than we naturally enter the world with. Thus we have to choose to seek Right rather than allow our own natural desires and natural tendencies to rule our lives. Regardless of how tired, frustrated, or disappointed we may be, we must choose to take the high road in our attitude and character. In a certain context, that is what the Bible is all about: Taking the spiritual high road rather than the natural road. Indeed, it’s the narrower road and the one less traveled.

When It’s Easy

I ended yesterday’s post by saying, “We have a great attitude when things are going good and have a bad one when things aren’t going our way. But what is that? Even the worst among us do that.” I’m sure many of you saw its inherent reference to, “If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?”
Yet, isn’t that what has always been wrong with those who think of themselves as being good? We are good when there is an audience, when it is to our advantage, or when things are going great. That’s when we find it easy to live on the spiritual plane and be “spiritual” people. But let a bad day happen; let someone wrong us; let our spouse or kids not live up to our expectations, and we resort back to our animalistic ways. In other words, when things don’t go our way, we resort back to our default setting of reacting according to our natural instincts and ingrained habit patterns. When things get tough, we act just like the worst among us, “tax collectors” and “pagans.”
To continuously live on a spiritual plane requires character and discipline. Yet, those traits are in direct opposition to self-esteem. Human beings naturally seek to boost self-esteem through self-gratification and self-image, which quashes character and discipline. Then our true nature and spirituality is revealed.
Regardless of how spiritual or saved we may judge ourselves to be, we are mere spiritual fakes and frauds if our great attitudes and spiritual perspectives are only present when life is going good. After all, being good when it’s easy is absolutely no different from how the worst among us lives his life.

Choice

Within us, there is the battle between living in the animalistic realm or in the spiritual realm. In the animal realm we live according to our instincts and what seems natural to us. The very same thing our pets do. In the spiritual world we seek to do what is Right regardless of what our natural instinct, personal habits, or upbringing might predicate us to do. For example, our animalistic tendencies desire for us to seek revenge for a wrong done against us, while in the spiritual realm we extend forgiveness. Likewise, the animalistic realm desires for us to strike out at an offender, while the spiritual realm may have us turn the other cheek. The animalistic realm may have us seek cover when things aren’t going well; the spiritual realm has us stand for right or confront a wrong.
We can never maintain a healthy attitude and a spiritual perspective as long as we hold antipathy towards another. The two are incompatible. Thus, we have to make a choice: We choose to either hold onto the pains and resentments we have towards others, or we can choose to have healthy attitudes found only in the spiritual realm…but we can’t have both. Oh sure, we can shift between the two worlds depending on the circumstances. We have a great attitude when things are going good and have a bad one when things aren’t going our way. But what is that? Even the worst among us do that.

Better Perspective

Let’s say that we agree that our moment-by-moment choices of attitude and perspective of life are what govern our general demeanor, our personality, and our spiritual outlook. Let’s suppose farther that our attitude needs improvement…and whose doesn’t?! Well, how do we improve our attitude? One of the first things we can do is to realize that our plight isn’t near as bad as it could be. If you are able to read this blog, there are millions of people who would trade places with you. Yet, they have great attitudes. Regardless of how bad your marriage might be, there are those who’ve had it much worse but made it work. No matter how sick you may be, there are people who are sicker or the circumstances around their sickness are worse. Yet, they persevered with a smile on their face. The point is, we need to stop thinking we have it so bad.
Secondly, as the Good Book says, we need to focus on the good things, righteous things, and true things. That’s easy to do this when things are going well. But the true test of our character is our ability to do it when things aren’t going so well or we don’t feel so well. We have to find the silver lining in every storm. We have to be so accustomed to finding a good attitude and perspective in everything that it becomes a part of our nature.
Thirdly, know that there is hope. If we are willing to put forth the concerted effort it takes, we can move the mountains in our lives. Notice I didn’t say we have to put forth the effort we are willing to. No, instead, we have to put forth the effort that it takes.
We can blame various circumstances and situations for our current attitude and perspective. However, ultimately, our current attitude is the one which we chose.

Attitude and Health

I’m not sure we can underestimate the importance and power of our attitudes. They basically define everything from our personality, character, and demeanor to our mental health. I watched a bit of T.V. this weekend and repeatedly saw a commercial which claimed that one in six people suffer from mental illness. Maybe you have seen the commercial; adults in white tee-shirts wear the name of their illness. We know we can’t pin mental illness on a “bug” going around. So, why are more and more becoming afflicted? I’m not sure but it’s not mere coincidence that those who have great attitudes don’t have too much mental illness, while those with negative attitudes and perspectives do. As we mentioned yesterday, our attitude is ours alone to choose. Those moment-by-moment choices define who we are, the tides of our lives, the state of our spirit, and our emotional welfare. Again, we should choose our attitudes and perspectives very wisely, rather than let our emotional reactions define us.

Battle Attitude

I think my bug is gone and I’m back to my normal. Especially after today, I should be able to start the week with only my usual battles.

Speaking of battles, none of us like battles, especially battles of life and death. However, we learn a lot about ourselves in the midst of life’s battles. We learn something about our inner strength, patience, and even our grumpiness. Not only that, but battling also gifts us with perseverance, perspective, and it matures us. Battling also gives us an opportunity to bypass the usual avenues of whining and complaining, and instead seek to live life on a higher plane. Anyone can whine; it takes a strong sense of purpose to elevate above it. One thing is for sure; we all have battles of one sort or another. We can either focus on the actual battles or on the victories within the battles.
In the battle of life and death, we will all lose the battle for life at one point or another. That’s not in question. The question is what attitude and perspective will we carry when the battle gets tough. That’s when the “real us” and our “true attitude” is likely to be revealed. It’s never too early to choose the attitude we live with, and yes, likely will die with. Our attitude is ours alone to choose; we should choose it wisely and nurture it, for it is the attitude we will live with and ultimately enter eternity with.

Better

Eileen continues to do better and better. As a friend suggested, it might be harder to keep her quiet now that she is doing so well and it has been confirmed by the doctor. Yet, the doctor emphasized the things Eileen needs to be cautious about so that a problem doesn’t develop. Eileen still gets intermittent pain here and there amongst the surgical sites but it’s neither continuous nor severe. Hopefully that will remind Eileen that she has healing yet to do. Thank you for your prayers for her too.

As for me, after sleeping most of the day I feel like the bug is about conquered. I still feel weak and a bit queasy but I don’t feel so sickly. In fact, I worked on our sink drain and shower head today. That took some of the starch out of my sails but I’m doing well enough. Over all, I’m doing fairly well too. Beside the normal torment of my arm, my legs have gone in full reverse. In fact, they are too sore to even work on right now. My stomach has been behaving somewhat. Instead of constant pain, it has been intermittent. I’ll continue to take it easy this weekend, as I have since Eileen’s surgery, before starting back to a more normal schedule and activities next week.

Reality

Reality set in at 8:45 Thursday morning. That is when Eileen’s mom headed back to Illinois with a son and his wife. Eunice’s visit was a quick two weeks and we really enjoyed her visit. She was a very big help and a real pleasure to visit with. One can gain a lot of wisdom in 84 years and she certainly has. Eunice is always fascinating to talk with.
I must have caught a bug at Eileen’s doctor’s office Wednesday. Especially with my lowered resistance, I don’t like going where there are sick people or concentrations of people. Although Eileen goes to a women’s clinic, it’s still a germ filled habitat for people with my resistance levels. Anyway, I’ve been fighting something all Wednesday night through today. I’m supposed to report anything to the doctor which doesn’t clear up right away. I’ll see how it goes but I’ll be careful not take any chances with something setting up permanent residence in me.

Remarkable

I went into the examination room with Eileen while her mother stayed in the waiting room. The doctor and her assistant were amazed at the way Eileen walked through their office. Essentially none of what the doctor expected Eileen to still be battling is present. Eileen is doing remarkable well, almost astonishingly so. However, the doctor stuck by her original cautions. She said that Eileen can drive a little, as in going to the store, but is not to lift, carry, or bend down. However, Eileen can reach up. The doctor was even pleased with the remarkable healing of Eileen’s external wound sites too. The doctor was very happy with Eileen’s progress and showed it. Praise God.
On the way back to the car, I mentioned to Eileen’s mom that Eileen did so well because someone took such good care of her. She said, “Yes, she has a good husband.” I responded, “No, it’s because she has a good mom.” After we finished patting each other on the back we laughed and we all headed home.

Inward and Outward

I received good comments on the self-esteem blog posts. I think it’s good to remember what we said several weeks ago about happiness. We can never find happiness in a pill, powder, potion, or another person. Happiness is a personal transaction within us. Even so, it seems that we continue to think happiness is in the next vacation, relationship, or recreational endeavor. While those can give us happy experiences, they don’t change the character of our spirit into a happiness state.
Also, we need to be careful when reading self-help books or even listening to some from the pulpit. If they are making us more aware of our personal needs (Self), we ought to turn a deaf ear. That is a one-way ticket to self-centeredness and feelings of victimization. Have you ever known a self-centered person to be truly happy? They aren’t. They are neither happy nor thankful people. In fact, they tend to be needy and high maintenance.
When we have episodes when our happiness is diminished or elusive, we shouldn’t look to see what others aren’t doing for us or what isn’t going our way. We should first look to see if we are focused inward on our own wants and needs. Consider this: To even ask ourselves if we are happy is being self-centered, because we are looking inward to serve and satisfy, not outward.

Realms

Finally then, we can look at our lives as primarily lived in the spiritual realm or in the worldly realm. In the worldly realm, “self” and our primal animal instincts of survival are paramount. In other words, we look out for “number one” in practically everything we do. Even when we do something for someone else, we’re doing it for what someone will think of us or for what will make us feel good. Further, in the worldly realm we are primarily concerned with our wants and needs as the world has defined them and has awakened us to.
On the other hand, there is the spiritual realm. It is primarily concerned with Right. Thus, regardless of what we may personally want or desire, we seek what is right, honorable, and true. This is the realm in which we will lay down our self, pride, ego, desires, wants, and even our life for what is right.
We all migrate between the spiritual and worldly realms. Therefore, the real question is - - - which realm do we spend most of our time in, especially when life presents its worst challenges or we are having a bad day? That answer is what defines the true nature of our character and the true realm from which we operate: It defines who we really are.

News Update

The post I prepared for today will have to wait; I’ll conclude the discussion about self-esteem tomorrow.
First, Eileen continues to get much stronger. Her pain is still mainly in the area of her very low back where she has surgical bruising. Her pelvic distress is essentially gone. Eileen is doing much better about taking it easy too. We’ll find out just how well she is doing at her Wednesday doctor's appointment.
Secondly, I got news yesterday that my uncle passed away. He was a very special uncle and he always said that we were more like his children than niece and nephews. We usually spent a week or two each summer with him and our aunt. He took us fishing, cliff diving, and all sorts of things. He even taught me how to drive (the driving age was lower in Arkansas). My uncle was also the one that I went into practice with right after graduation. He was a great man to everyone who knew him; he will be missed.
I mentioned in a blog several months ago that music is a great reliever of negative energy or stress. In my case I play the guitar (sort of!) and sing (poorly). After getting the news about my uncle, I eventually brought out my guitar and began playing. Then I wrote a little song about him. I thought that I’d share the chorus with you as I sign off for today.
In heaven, there’s so much to savor,
And when you’ve seen all there is to see,
Please do me one special favor,
Say hello to my daddy for me.

Good Doggy

We can view self-esteem as a worldly way to give ourselves validity and merit. At its basic level, it’s not much different than me telling our dog, Ellie, “good dog.” At the animal instinct level, our esteem tells us whether we are good or bad based on what other people say to us, do to us, or don’t say and do. We put the power of our worth in the hands of others, just like Ellie does.
Self-help and self-awareness books have promoted our insatiable desire to have others give us value. While that does have its place and importance, it leaves the value of self (self-esteem) in the hands of others. Thus our emotional status tends to go up and down depending on how things are going around us.
Self-esteem, as we use it, is not compatible with Biblical teachings such as “dying to self,” “the first will be last,” and “serve others.” Unfortunately, self-esteem is all about self!! In contrast, the Biblical approach seeks for us to gain our value through spiritual character, rather than having others tells us and treat us like a “good doggy.”
Having a sense of value is important; but we have a choice to primarily garner our value either through strength of character or through the image we can create in the minds of others and ourselves… about ourselves. Pumping ourselves up with words is like pumping up a balloon; it’s full of hot air and hollow. In contrast, character is the solid foundation on which true spirituality is built. It’s good to remember that we choose to primarily live according to the principles of the world like Ellie does, or live according to the higher principles of the spirit. One bases its value on feelings; the other bases its value on character. What does that do to your self-esteem?!!

Pressing On

I’m going to wait a day to conclude the discussion on self-esteem. I want to give you a couple of other updates first.
Eileen had a restless night but is doing better today. Her inner back feels very bruised and she does have a couple of bruises on her backside. No, I haven’t kicked her; she came home from the hospital that way!! Anyway, her pelvic pain is more discomfort than it is pain and it is generally minimal. Eileen feels good and ready to go most of the time.
I also wanted to tell you that I’ve been working on my manuscript. The deadline for its submission is August 1st. It has taken me almost an hour per ten pages to edit; the manuscript is 172 pages. Unfortunately, there are some typos and sentence structure mistakes I caught and corrected. I’m not sure how much editing the publisher’s editors will do, but I might have a lot more to do when they get finished with it!! Anyway, I printed off the manuscript and have been plugging away at it. So after around 17 hours of editing over the recent past, I was on a roll last night; I stayed up until 11:30 to finish my read-through. Today, I made the corrections in the computer version of the manuscript and arranged it the way the publisher requested. I wrote the pre-publishing editor a note and attached the manuscript, along with one picture to be included in the manuscript. I was allowed 15 pictures but since I can’t include all 365, I didn’t see a need to get permissions for only 15. The one picture I used is a public domain picture so no permissions are required.
After I got it all assembled and ready to email, Eileen came over and we said a prayer. Afterwards I asked her to push the “send” button. Thus, the manuscript has now been submitted to the pre-publication department of the publisher.

Eileen Update

I didn’t write anything about Eileen these past two days and I got emails asking about Eileen. So, here’s an update. Eileen is definitely getting stronger although she has a rough night here and there. She is supposed to be able to walk 20 minutes by next Wednesday. I think she could have done that when she woke up from anesthesia!! She comes from strong stock and is a strong woman in her own right. Without her mother here, it would be harder to keep her quiet. Her mom has told her a couple of times that she’s doing too much. Eileen tries but what she thinks is “nothing” is a day’s work for me!!
Eileen had started a baby quilt and was glad that her mom offered to finish it up. Her mom (Eunice) has probably hand sewn on it for about 30 hours this week. She finished the quilt a little while ago. Eunice has also cooked, done dishes, done laundry, and some other household tasks. That’s not bad for an 84 year old woman. I help out enough that Eunice doesn’t think that I’m a total “loser”!!
Okay now, I didn’t lose my place. There will be more about self-esteem tomorrow.

Building Blocks

So how do we build character so that we can have Righteous self-esteem? Veterans of this blog know the answer: Seek to do right. You see, if we are left to our natural survival programming, we will naturally do what seems good to us or even right to us. But that doesn’t mean it is right for others, legal, or even moral. Even artificially inflating our self-esteem can seem like a good, harmless, beneficial, or the right thing. But as we saw yesterday, it is a hollow promise which leaves us empty. To overcome our natural survival programming, we have to seek the spiritual plane. That is where we can learn to be motivated by what is righteous rather than motivated by what serves our personal wants and desires. Character is built a block at a time and multiplies upon itself. When our character is strong, built on righteousness, then we have the best self-esteem we can ever have.

Self-Esteem & Character

So much importance is put on self-esteem, especially in our children. Even so, I hear many adults lament that they too have low self-esteem. What is self-esteem? Simply put, self-esteem is what we think of ourselves. In that vein, much effort is put on what our children think of themselves. But what is it based on? It’s gotten to the point that some teams don’t keep score so that no one loses. After all, losing can hurt their self-esteem. Further, we are told to praise our children even when they do wrong, call them winners when they lose, tell them they are right when they are wrong, and make them feel as if they succeeded even when they fail. In addition, we are told to never “judge” them, make them feel wrong or guilty, or let them face reality when it is especially burdensome. - - - - - And then we wonder why we have kids who become adults who are maladapted, high maintenance, and always needing their emotions massaged. Life becomes very depressing and confusing for them when the reality of life in all its failures, disappointments, and wrongs finally sets in. A true key to life is not avoiding disappointments, for they will come. The true key is found in persevering and overcoming despite disappointments.
In contrast to our usual considerations of self-esteem, Righteous self-esteem is gained as a measure of one’s character. I’ll say that again only slower. Righteous self-esteem is gained as a measure of one’s character. If we have strong character, we will have strong self-esteem. If our character is based on a bunch of rah-rah talk and false impressions of reality, we will eventually have low self-esteem. No matter how much one tells himself that he is a winner, happy, and important…the soul knows whether it’s a lie or not. The soul is what ultimately judges self-esteem in us…and it bases it upon righteous character. Rather than focus on self-esteem, we should focus on character. Then self-esteem will take care of itself.

Misbehaving

Our sister-in-laws left this morning after tending to us all weekend. Eileen’s mother (Eunice) will be here for about two weeks or so. Although Eunice is doing things that I could do, it is sure a relief to not face some of the tasks she does. Even though our sister-in-laws tended to us hand and foot, I was still very spent from the little that I contributed. I still attribute my weariness to recovering from the very busy month of June. So, although I joke about being waited on, it has been a real blessing. I hope to be back to my normal strength soon. I have many things I’d like to do, but those things will have to wait for the time being still.
Eileen continues to get stronger and is to the point at which she is going to do away with the Percocet and leave her pain in the hands of over-the-counter meds. She has been a little rambunctious but less so after one of our sister-in-laws told her about her co-worker who had to have her similar surgery redone after not taking it easy enough. That cooled Eileen’s heels in a hurry. While Eileen is truly progressing, some of her “feeling good” is from the excitement of having her mother and sister-in-laws here. She needs to make sure the excitement doesn’t lure her into misbehaving!!

We Are Blessed

Eileen continues to do much better. Her pain level fluctuates but is more easily managed. She went out for a little walk Sunday evening around the cul-de-sac. She isn’t supposed to sweat at all so she took it nice and easy.
All this extra help from her family is something that a guy could get used to!! Including the dog, Ellie, there are six females and me. I’m trying to stay on their good side!! However, I don’t want this to sound easier than it is. It’s tough having all these people wait on me!! Really though, this is giving me a great opportunity to get my systems reenergized and let those who came to help us do their thing. Believe me, they have been busy giving us every opportunity to heal and progress. As always, we are blessed.

Family Help

Whatever may ail me right now isn’t for a lack of sleep. I have slept more in the past two days than I can ever remember. It was especially nice today with family here to help; I could continue to recover from the whirlwind of June. In my inner core, I still feel weak and exhausted but I’ve taken the advice of so many of you: Let the family help with what they came down here to do. Perhaps because I know that it is only temporary, I’ve been able sit back (lie down) and let others make the household tick. We are grateful to Eileen’s mother and sister-in-laws. They came here to be a big help and they certainly are.
Eileen continues to improve. There are intervals in the day when she has no pain at all (with the aid of medication). That's a big improvement!! She too has been sleeping a lot but is getting stronger with each passing day. Again, it’s nice to have help here so we can mend. Even so, we still have to keep a watchful eye on Eileen. She isn’t supposed to pick up anything which weighs more than a carton of milk or do anything which involves repetitive bending or twisting. During times when her pain is zero or minimal, her internal motor wants to go forth. We’re making sure she remembers that the objective is healing, not mere pain relief. You know, I could probably use that advice myself once in a while!! Please keep the prayers coming; we are very grateful.

Progressing Along

Eileen is progressing along, doing fairly well, but had to go back to the Percocet. Both the pain and nausea are quite present but manageable. We are also getting a glimpse of things to come: It’s going to be tough to keep Eileen from doing too much. She’s used to doing as much as she feels like doing. Even as rough as she sometimes feels, she feels like doing a lot. The cavalry arrived Friday evening: Eileen’s Mom and sister-in-laws got here and have also joined the chorus of keeping Eileen quieter. They are a big help already and will lessen the load around here. Speaking of which…our youngest daughter has really stepped up to help in all aspects, even more than she normally does.
I did a little yard work Friday and can tell that my stamina is lacking. Furthermore, my arm didn’t appreciate the little that I did. I’m writing this Friday night and my arm and I are engaged in war. Further, over these months, I’ve taught Eileen how to work on my sore and spasmodic legs. I’ll be glad when she can do that again. They have quickly become a major obstacle. My stomach is contrary but nothing too severe. All in all, I can’t really complain too much especially when I think about people like my former classmate’s husband who has stage four prostatic cancer. We’ll keep putting one foot in front of the other and being thankful for everything we can.

First Night Home

Eileen slept pretty well last night, basically getting up to take pain medication. She went ahead and switch from the generic Percocet as it began making her increasingly nauseated. Now she’s taking other pain medication which keeps her pain around a “2” on the scale. She’d rather be at a “2” and not be nauseated than be at a “1” with nausea. Her demeanor remains excellent.
Eileen’s mother and sister-in-laws get here today. I need to get some things done before they get here this evening but I think I’ll wait until later to get started; hopefully, I’ll feel better by then. My stomach and arm are a mess and I’m very tired. I’m going back to bed and see if things will settle down. If not, maybe a little work will help!!

A Day’s End

Although “they” say generic drugs are the same as the brand name, I think we’ve all experienced the small differences. In Eileen’s case, the small difference is a good thing. This afternoon Eileen started on the generic Percocet they gave her; it hasn’t made her nauseated thus far. Therefore, the nausea is minimal and the narcotic is keeping her pelvic pain at a “1” on the pain scale. She has been napping well and we took a two hour nap this afternoon. It’s hard for Eileen to just lie around all day but she is staying pretty quiet. She goes back to the doctor in two weeks.

Home Sweet Home

Eileen got home this morning at around 11am. There were a few benchmarks throughout the morning at the hospital she had to achieve before they would release her, but she accomplished them fine. Although her pelvic pain is still pronounced, her abdominal stress was much better until she took another Percocet just before we headed home. She tried managing the pain with other medications but finally had to give in to the Percocet. She didn’t want to take the Percocet because of her reaction with it all day yesterday. Now, she is laid back in the recliner asleep feeling some better. I dropped her prescriptions off at the pharmacy on our way home from the hospital and will get them shortly.
Eileen just woke up and ate some soup. Her pain is now a “1” in her pelvis and her nausea is a “4.”