Although it’s my fault for transposing others’ results into my expectations regarding my c
ancer prognosis, it doesn’t take the sting out of the reality of what I face. Although I doubt you could tell a difference in my spirit from the last time you saw me, I am wounded right now. As I stare this reality down again and blog through it, I’ll be fine--- but let me tell you what weighs on me: It’s the bone marrow transplant.
Before everyone tells me of all the successful transplant stories, I know that this option is a living hell and the results are marginal. I know about the 24/7 chemo and radiation combination for a week which destroys the marrow so completely that people often get a new blood type. I know that one then has to live in a sterile bubble for a while and can’t have contact with anyone under 10 for a couple of years. On top of that, rejection is an issue and life expectancy isn’t all that great afterwards. If it was just me in the picture when the “transition” comes, I’d say let me go. But it’s a little harder to tell my wife and kids that I’m just going to roll over and die rather than man-up and go through all that. That will be the difficult fork in the road.
Well, as Dr. Tan initially said, that could be ten years off and who knows what drugs might be on the market by then. If it is ten years, I will have reached sixty years of age. The decisions might be different then. Said another way, the viable options for a 60 year old under our new health care system might make my decision for me!! Besides, who knows what the Lord might have in mind too.
I don’t mean to whine and I’m sure some of you can see through what I am doing. I am working through some of this in front of you, not just for my benefit. It’s all of us who too often allow bad news to keep us devastated for extended periods of time, sometimes years. I go through difficult times too; but we all have to be willing to walk through the fire rather than go hide or try to go around it. It’s the only way to emotionally and spiritually come through to the other side healthy. There are issues that some hang onto for years because they won’t face the fire. As fire forges steel, the fires in our lives steel up our resolve, character, and spirituality.
Finally, I’m always mindful of those who hold our hand with prayer, love, and goodness as we go through the fire. Thank you.
ancer prognosis, it doesn’t take the sting out of the reality of what I face. Although I doubt you could tell a difference in my spirit from the last time you saw me, I am wounded right now. As I stare this reality down again and blog through it, I’ll be fine--- but let me tell you what weighs on me: It’s the bone marrow transplant.Before everyone tells me of all the successful transplant stories, I know that this option is a living hell and the results are marginal. I know about the 24/7 chemo and radiation combination for a week which destroys the marrow so completely that people often get a new blood type. I know that one then has to live in a sterile bubble for a while and can’t have contact with anyone under 10 for a couple of years. On top of that, rejection is an issue and life expectancy isn’t all that great afterwards. If it was just me in the picture when the “transition” comes, I’d say let me go. But it’s a little harder to tell my wife and kids that I’m just going to roll over and die rather than man-up and go through all that. That will be the difficult fork in the road.
Well, as Dr. Tan initially said, that could be ten years off and who knows what drugs might be on the market by then. If it is ten years, I will have reached sixty years of age. The decisions might be different then. Said another way, the viable options for a 60 year old under our new health care system might make my decision for me!! Besides, who knows what the Lord might have in mind too.
I don’t mean to whine and I’m sure some of you can see through what I am doing. I am working through some of this in front of you, not just for my benefit. It’s all of us who too often allow bad news to keep us devastated for extended periods of time, sometimes years. I go through difficult times too; but we all have to be willing to walk through the fire rather than go hide or try to go around it. It’s the only way to emotionally and spiritually come through to the other side healthy. There are issues that some hang onto for years because they won’t face the fire. As fire forges steel, the fires in our lives steel up our resolve, character, and spirituality.
Finally, I’m always mindful of those who hold our hand with prayer, love, and goodness as we go through the fire. Thank you.
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