BOUNDARY DECREE

If parents are going to live with an adult-child, there should be predetermined conditions and boundaries. In the same way that kids can’t live in their parents’ house anyway they want without creating turmoil and chaos, parents can’t live in an adult-child’s house anyway they want without causing the same. If a parent is going to live with an adult-child, there needs to be predetermined conditions and boundaries. Break this decree and you’ll soon regret ever having parents!!

For a parent who has moved in with an adult-child, too often the parent acts as if they are still head of the house and household. They put too much self ownership into the arrangement. Some parents insist on sitting in a certain chair, watching certain T.V. programs, and complain about the way the household is run. Further, while the adult-child is trying to live a portion of his own family’s life, the parent complains that they aren’t given enough individual time and attention. Too many times the parent gives too little regard to the adult-child’s habits and routines of the past thirty years or so, and gives even less consideration to the fact that the adult-child has a spouse to consider. While the adult-child tries to be accommodating, frustration quickly sets in. The parent-child relationship quickly becomes estranged as well as the adult-child’s marriage. Something has to give. For those who don’t have predetermined conditions and boundaries for the live-in parent, this scenario is all too familiar. Tomorrow we’ll talk about what can be done in these situations.