STRUGGLES

Let me say from the outset that there are people with real struggles... people who earnestly seek to overcome emotional and physical addictions. Those people are not the focus of this blog post. I’m addressing the rest of us who use “struggles” as the consummate excuse so that we can behave however we naturally will at the time. “It’s my struggle” is used with everything from issues with temper, pornography, homosexuality, and having a shopping-habit to issues with rude and ungracious behavior. “It’s my struggle” also allows us to have an excuse to access the deepest and darkest areas of our desires. For some, there is the thrill of flirting with the untoward side of human behavior. Yet for others, “my struggle” blends with the conglomeration of society making our improper behaviors seem acceptable. We would perhaps like to give them up if they would magically go away, but if it requires too much hard work and discipline, then we accept it and thus call it a “struggle.” Moreover, we expect others to tolerate and accept our struggles too. Soon we have what is reflected in today’s society: A culture of “struggling” people who downwardly redefine normalcy, ethics, and morality. We should be mindful that our “struggles” may become acceptable to society, but they sure don’t become acceptable to God. We should be careful not to think that “struggles” are acceptable excuses for undisciplined and bad behaviors.

STEADFAST

In reading the Book of Daniel recently, I noted Daniel 9:4 which says: “O Lord, and awesome God, who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love Him and keep His commandments and rules…” When we come across verses like these, we tend to focus on the part where it says God is awesome and keeps a steadfast love. We are apt to skim over the part that seems to require something of us. It doesn’t sound right that something is required of us. However, the verse says that God keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love Him and keep His commandments and rules. Therefore, it can conversely be said that God doesn’t keep covenant and steadfast love with those who don’t love Him, keep His commands, and keep His rules. See what I mean? It doesn’t even sound right that a situation can exist where God doesn’t keep covenant and steadfast love with us. It’s because we live in a world which says that God loves us no matter where we are in life and regardless of how we behave. We just have to show up to church, say we believe in Jesus, and say we love God. Then we can have whatever “struggles,” behaviors, beliefs, or attitudes we want …for God loves us. Indeed, God still loves us but it may not be the kind of love we need to eternally count on. To receive eternal love we might have to do more that glamorize God’s love for us; we might have to do our part. What is our part? It is to truly seek to love the Lord God with our whole heart, soul, and mind. It’s to put aside the “struggles,” behaviors, beliefs, and attitudes which keep us from being truly obedient people who can clutch onto the steadfast promises of God. God is steadfast for those who earnestly seek Him.

LEUKEMIA TALK

In discussing my leukemia with a friend the other day, she asked how the battle with the Gleevec is going. I thought I ought to share my answer with everyone who follows me.

The Gleevec effects are very distinct and I usually don’t have any trouble identifying what is attributable to Gleevec. Even so, the symptoms are inconsistent although some aspects are somewhat predictable. One of the most readily identifiable symptoms is the strong nausea. It usually comes within an hour or so of taking a dose of Gleevec but it is not every day. Let me clarify. The strong nausea is not every day but a prominent amount of nausea is nearly constant. It’s made worse if I eat a lot of protein, go without eating for too long, or eat too much. The tolerance amounts for these are inconsistent and hard to guess. Then, there are the times that I’m strongly nauseated for no detectable reason. It has always taken a lot to get me to the point of vomiting. That’s good and bad. The good is that I don’t spend much time running to the bathroom. The bad part is that the nausea can make me quite ill, sometimes wishing I would vomit. However, when I start vomiting my body often doesn’t seem to know when to stop!! That’s no fun; I’d rather have the nausea for which anti-nausea medication does help some. When I take pain medication for my arm, it also adds to the nausea and to the feeling of the vomiting tipping point. Yet, while I battle nausea, there are so many on Gleevec and other chemotherapeutics who VERY miserably reside at the commode. I’m not complaining.

Weakness and a washed out feeling is another Gleevec-induced symptom I deal with. You know how some days you don’t feel like getting out of bed or getting off the chair to walk twenty feet to get a glass of water although thirsty? I feel that way about all the time. That’s where I push on the most. So, I keep going whether it is to meet a friend for coffee or run some errand that could have waited. I know I can’t afford to stop.

The other major Gleevec symptom is muscle cramping and marked muscle tightness. The less activity I have the more it bothers me. However, if I do too much then it really bothers me. My upper thighs are the worst although my upper hamstrings are a close second. Massage and moderate activity is the best thing for it. Dynamic stretching helps a little but generally not enough to encourage me to do it!!

Over the past six months I’ve slept a lot better than the previous year. Even during the roughest times with my arm, the totally sleepless nights have been much less. That is a blessing. Sleepless nights, in which I pace in pain, kind of messes me up for several days. I attribute much of being able to sleep better to Eileen massaging my legs. It takes just enough tension out of system to allow me to relax. I often fall asleep while she is massaging. I don’t ever seem to ask to get my legs massaged; I suppose Eileen innately knows when it would be helpful. Periodically, my legs are just too sensitive to even touch though.

All in all I’m doing pretty well and thankful to presently be in cytogenetic remission. I’m not nearly as strong as I was a year ago but I don’t feel like I’m losing ground as fast as I was. It seems that I’ve grown a bit old for my age, but I probably would have felt that way anyway!!