Wednesday, January 5, 2011

A Crossroad

As I do many of my blog posts, I’m writing this on the preceding evening of its posting (Tuesday evening). I expected to be back to my normal residual amount of arm pain by now, after venturing into the cold underdressed yesterday. But instead of relenting, the arm has intensified throughout the day. My stomach has also been very contrary, making the chemo dose I’m about to take an especially revolting thought. A nap was hard to come by as my protesting body kept me mostly awake. I hope to be able to sleep tonight. However, it won’t be that uncommon if I don’t and will just hope for a better Wednesday. I have a lot to do tomorrow and I know that I will push through it like so many others do every day. I remain ever thankful that this intensity will eventually relent; for so many their miseries are 24/7. Thankfully, I’ll catch a bit of a break sooner or later. I notice that when I feel like this there is a crossroad that seems to always challenge me. There is the strong temptation to be melancholy and have a bit of a pity party, or I can take the other road and shrink my circle of thought. In other words, rather than engage my mind in the pain, nausea, politics, and happenings of the world, I shrink my thoughts to what I have to be thankful for. Even more, rather than just mouth my thanksgivings, I can better feel them…in my own little tight circled world. When it seems to hurt to even think, it’s easy to tighten the circle of the things I think about. Rather than think of things to despair about, I think on the things to be thankful for. In times like these, it would be easier to be in despair. However, we’re called to rise above ourselves and join the echoing choir of those who are thankful during all things…especially during things much worse than I’ve ever endured. So, onward I amble through this crossroad as I look forward to a better tomorrow.

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