A DICHOTOMY

Lyrics in an old Billy Joel song say, “I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints, the sinners are much more fun…”   I never cared for the lyrics of that song but that part of the lyrics has always stuck with me. It defines a great dichotomy of life: Laugh with the sinners or cry with the saints.

There are many situations we could substitute in the lyric, for there are many things that are much more fun to do on the sinner side of the ledger than the saint side. Again though, that is what defines us. It defines us each time we choose to take the socially acceptable, popular, politically correct, or wrong turns in life rather than do what is right or righteous. It will always make us more popular to go with the crowd than to do right, as it will always make us seem more pleasant to compromise than to stand firm in truth. Further, it seems that greater the risk involved then greater the potential for fun, even though sitting back doing nothing is more fun that fighting the good fight.

While the proud sinner and humble saint alike enjoy fun and a good time, it’s the type of fun and the timing of the fun which identifies us. Irresponsibility along with ethical and moral compromise is the path which leads to misplaced fun. Our desire for fun or to live a stress free life should never trump what is right, good, and honorable. Many of the grave issues facing our families and nation today are borne of an unwillingness to fight the good fight…seeking what is fun and comfortable instead. Yet, there is one thing that puts the kibosh on all the fun and outward peace. That is crisis. When a major health concern, relationship disaster, legal problem, financial situation, or other significant misfortune hits, we aren’t so focused on having our own kind of fun. We go into a survival mode in which we wish we had a little better relationship with the Lord and were more in touch with our saintly side.

Perhaps we’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints, but woe is us if we need a crisis to get our perspective back to where it needs to be.

LOCKS OF LOVE

“Locks of Love” describes itself as “a public non-profit organization that provides hairpieces to financially disadvantaged children in the United States and Canada under age 21 suffering from long-term medical hair loss from any diagnosis.” Our youngest daughter had thirteen inches of her long hair cut off today for the purpose of “Locks of Love.” She got a friend, a boy whose hair was also quite long, to go with her and get his done too. Both haircuts look great and the cause is a good one.

We sure don’t have to look far to find a good cause that we can be a benefit to. While not everyone has the minimum of ten inches of hair to donate to Locks of Love, there are many other organizations which serve worthy purposes. Not only do these organizations serve worthy purposes, but giving of our time, talent, or treasure is an important part of the process which governs our spiritual maturation. We are hard-wired to give. Only when our self-centeredness dominates us do we mostly think of ourselves rather than others. Giving not only helps others but it renders wholeness to our souls.

GIVER

Too many times and too often, we measure life by what we have achieved or obtained. Although elements of that are important, if what we have achieved isn’t partially comprised of what we have contributed, we’ll find much of life being rather empty. The human spirit is not made to be a “taker” or to merely exist. Show me a functionally depressed person and I’ll show you someone who doesn’t give enough…although he’ll think he gives too much!! Life itself is a big “exchange,” a big give and take. A real key to happiness and satisfaction in life is to get ahead of the natural exchange and be a “giver.”

Even if a person is a natural giver, it’s important to find a purpose in life bigger than one’s self. It isn’t hard to find worthy purposes; they are all around us. If you have children, there’s perhaps no bigger purpose. The problem is that we easily get consumed with our own desires and purposes and we quickly no longer serve a purpose bigger than self. Even with our children, too many selfishly look forward to the time they turn eighteen and are out of the house, rather than serving the parental purpose they have while the children are there.

Serving the parental purpose is not the same as serving the parents. Parents shouldn’t seek to primarily serve the children or the parents. They should seek to serve the Right way to parent. The misguided goal of primarily serving the parents or the children, rather than the children’s righteous outcome, often winds up disastrous. It divides many marriages in the process too.

It’s good to remember that we are designed to have a purpose bigger than just breathing the air around us and taking up space. Serving the righteous outcome of others does wonders for the human spirit and makes us a “giver” rather than a “taker” or “exchanger.”

TOUCH OF HOME

We are home after a great trip to see our oldest daughter. We always have a great time visiting with our kids and miss them when we part again. Nevertheless, they have their own lives and dreams to pursue.

I firmly believe it is the chief role of parents to equip their kids to live life effectively. Too often we co-exist with our kids and then can’t wait until they leave the nest. Nevertheless, there is so much to teach them, so much to equip them with so they can live spiritually, emotionally, and physically effective lives. The teaching never ends and our example is much more effectual than our words. Even if it is the simple act of coming to a complete stop at a stop sign, our kids take notice of our practices. Their subconscious minds register whether there is iron in our words or whether we are just bags of wind. Over a period of time, their impression of our parental character is formed. That will play a large part in our influence with them while they are at home and throughout their lives. Not only should we decide what type of children we seek to raise, we should decide what kind of parents and grandparents we will seek to be.

Our oldest son’s family will be coming into town this next weekend through the fourth. It will be great to see them again too!!

BEAUFORT

We toured beautiful Beaufort in a horse drawn carriage. It was very interesting and a fun experience. We then ate at a café before heading to the Chocolate Tree, which is a candy factory. We tried their samples before purchasing some chocolate creations. We then went to Parris Island Marine Recruit Depot where our older daughter is a Navy officer at the Branch Clinic.

The Branch Clinic serves the 17,000 Marine recruits per year and 21,000 permanent personnel. Although our daughter reports to the clinic director, she is the clinic’s lone administration officer. It’s a job that she absolutely loves and it keeps her very busy. We toured the very large clinic and her office. I sat in her chair and pretended to be a big shot!! We also went to the Exchange (shopping center) and commissary (grocery store). We saw a lot of Marine recruits working hard. We were careful not to gawk or act like tourists; we went about our business while they went about theirs. Just before the parade ground, there is a sign overhanging the street which says, “We Make Marines.” There something comforting knowing that our military services are busy molding the personnel who defend this country. In this case, the Marine Corps is hard at work “making Marines.”

Tonight, Saturday, we are going to the drive-in movies to watch the new “Cars” movie. It’s been a long time since I’ve been to a drive-in. It should be fun. Tomorrow, before heading home, we’re heading back to Parris Island Marine base to eat brunch at the Traditions restaurant. I’m not sure our clothes are fancy enough to go there but our daughter says she won’t disown us!!

CAR TRIP

We arrived at our daughter’s house in South Carolina (Friday). We arrived just minutes before she did from work. She’s a healthcare administrator in the Navy. She is assigned to the Marine Corps clinic on Parris Island. She really, really likes it.

Right now, Eileen and our two daughters are making cakes and such to decorate. I was invited to help but I’d hate to ruin their masterpiece. I’ll just help eat the finished project; that will be contribution enough.

On Saturday we are going to take a horse and carriage tour of historic Beaufort.

CO-MINGLING

Many people take pride in being known as a moderate. They find satisfaction in giving each side of an issue its due and then selecting their ultimate view from the considerations. Things tend to be less black and white, right and wrong, to moderates; they often view issues as being in grey areas...both sides having good and bad. Although this may seem to be a reasonable way to be, it needs a closer look.

As I mentioned yesterday, a read of the Bible teaches us that the God of both the Old Testament and New Testament is clear about right and wrong, good and evil. Regardless of the merits of the other side of an issue, righteousness is always to prevail. We see the same thing when Jesus is tempted by the devil. Jesus didn’t say that the devil had some good points; instead, Jesus strongly rebuked satan. All through the Bible, right is righteous and wrong is uncompromisingly wrong. The Lord is not shy about identifying the differences and holding us accountable to righteousness. God doesn’t seem to consider the merits of the wrong side of things. In that respect, The Lord is very conservative: Things are right or wrong, good or bad but not both. The Lord lets His “yes be yes and His no be no,” not both or maybe. Again, the Lord comes down firmly on the side of right and good. He doesn’t give credence to the merits of wrong. He doesn’t appear to be what we call a moderate.

This country has slowly declined because we don’t reject wrong outright. We think that there are wrong ways to do right things. We let wrong’s little merits plant its weeds into our society, church, and families. Then these weeds choke our country’s morals, ethics, and righteous traditions.

We should be mindful that God is on one side while evil is on the other. Co-mingling is not an option. We are either for God or against Him…regardless of what merits wrong may have.

READING IT THROUGH

It’s really important to read the Bible rather than just listen to sermons and others. If you are still reading one chapter a day, you have gone through the entire Old Testament and you are now on the 24^th chapter of Matthew. Congratulations!! It bears repeating. You’ll get through the Bible if you take little bites and do it every day rather than try to read a lot of it at one time and then put it down for months or years. It’s never too late to start. Anyway, the flavor of what God and Jesus actually says is a lot different than what is often the common perception. In fact, I’ve never heard anyone be as accusatory (of being hypocrites) as what Jesus is to religious leaders. The Lord is very serious about this faith stuff. Jesus’ words are not just a great collection of soft poetic words. They are meant to impact our lives in pious ways. Yet, when we repeat the righteous truth of His words, some think we are heretics. Too often Jesus is portrayed as a wobbly weed blowing in the wind. In fact though, our Lord is very clear about right and wrong. It is man who views the world in shades of grey. Reading the Bible will give you a different perspective than you get from the world. It will also change your life.

GOD’S RIGHTEOUS LOVE (Part II of II)

God’s love is of a quality that is greater than unconditional love. God’s love is a righteous love and it causes one to lay down his life for another, just as He did. God’s love comes with eternal promises, it is a saving love, it definitely was not free, and God’s love certainly has conditions. Wait, God’s love has conditions? That means it’s not unconditional. That’s right. Again, God’s love is a righteous love which greatly supersedes so-called unconditional free love and, yes, God has conditions. In fact, unconditional love is not a Bible term or concept.

In short, the main conditions that God puts on us are that we must love Him and be obedient. Make no mistake, these are serious conditions. In fact, God assures us that we will not have eternal life without them. As a people though, just like with each other, we want God’s full acceptance of the way we are with no strings attached, no responsibility, or accountability on our part. We want blessed assurance that all is well with our soul regardless of how we act, behave, or think. It’s another incidence of crying peace, peace, when there is no peace. Let’s all hold hands, sing Kumbaya, and we’ll all go to heaven.

It’s good to remember that God always loves us; He freely gives His love to us. However, God’s love is righteous and requires our obedient love in response. Our eternal security has more to do with our obedient love for God than it does God’s love for us. We already have God’s love. The only question is the quality of our love for God. The quality of our love for God is certainly a condition that God places on His righteous love. Otherwise, we could all behave the way we want and God’s unconditional love would send everyone to heaven!! It sounds good but it contradicts everything the Bible teaches us about eternity.

It’s important to understand that righteous love greatly supersedes unconditional love. In fact, love without accountability and responsibility (unconditional love) is a very cheap love which requires no righteousness, discernment, or virtue. It’s like giving freedom to a teenager without accompanying responsibility. Not only is it irresponsible but it’s developmentally injurious to the teen. Likewise, unconditional love is not only irresponsible but it’s injurious to the eternal welfare of mankind.

MAN’S UNCONDITIONAL LOVE (Part I of II)

Think of the person who loves you most. What if you repeatedly betrayed him, frequently intentionally sought to hurt her, ignored her, verbally abused him, committed acts of hate against him, or constantly took her for granted or violated her trust? How long do you think that person would really love you? The love which we often call unconditional love is really quite conditional. The condition is that the person treats us and others within certain relational, ethical, moral, and legal boundaries and parameters.

The incidence of broken marriages, broken families, and broken relationships tells us that unconditional love isn’t all that we brag it to be. As an example, there are very few people that we wholeheartedly love, without reservation, who constantly commit egregious atrocities against us or our family. What we really mean by unconditional love is that the person won’t be committing egregious or atrocious acts against us. However, since this is a condition, our love isn’t really unconditional. Unconditional love says there is not a condition in which we won’t totally and fully love the person. The term unconditional love is very much overused.

Mankind needs love. There just isn’t true inner peace, harmony, or self-worth without it. Unfortunately, we desire the kind of love which was made popular with the 1960’s LSD drug culture: Unconditional love. We want to be freely and fully loved with no conditions - - - to be fully and freely loved no matter what we do, how we behave, or what we think. In other words, we want to be loved without any strings attached - - - without any responsibility or accountability on our part. We want “free love.” Isn’t that sweet? Isn’t that so very convenient for us? Not even God offers unconditional love. What?!!!!!! We’ll talk about that tomorrow.

UMMM

The Associated Press reports: “The United Nations endorsed the rights of gay, lesbian and transgender people for the first time ever Friday, passing a resolution hailed as historic by the U.S. and other backers and decried by some African and Muslim countries.”

Isn’t that kind of weird? It’s the African and Muslim countries opposing these various sexual “rights” while we are championing them? Have you had enough American secular liberalism yet?

FATHER’S DAY

Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers!! Fathers have an important role with their kids which goes beyond providing food and housing. Children who have fathers that actively seek to guide them have a distinct advantage in life. I also want to say happy Father’s Day to my father although he died over twenty years ago. There are a few things which quickly come to mind when I reflect on my father.

First, he was a very disciplined man. He would have never made a Lays potato chip spokesman because my dad could have eaten just one chip!! My father was perhaps the strongest minded man I’ve ever known. Yet, he was full of laughter and had a very quick smile too.

The second thing that comes to mind is that my dad was a Marine through and through. The things he learned in the Marine Corps about personal discipline, honor, and ethics definitely shaped our upbringing. My father was especially proud of my siblings who all later became Marines. Among my father’s many roles in life, he was always a Marine.

The final thing that quickly comes to mind is the joy that the grandchildren brought him. He truly enjoyed and loved them all. It’s too bad for the grandchildren that they were very young when he died. They would have enjoyed him as much as he enjoyed them.

A parent’s job is never over. It just changes. To all the fathers, may your steps be guided by the Lord and may you forever be a guiding light to your children.

VISION

One of the most popular subjects I blog about continues to be Eileen. You like reading about her and our relationship, which is nice because I don’t mind writing about her!! However, it takes a lot for me to write about private issues and she is a private issue to me. However, some of the responses I have gotten from you tell of the inspiration and hope that these posts have given some of your relationships. That’s worth getting out of my comfort zone a bit. We’re glad to share a bit of our lives if it helps.

It’s important to have a vision of what we want our lives to be like. We ought to outwardly decide if we are going to be happy, content, strong, humble, joyful, loving, spiritual, helpful, and on and on. It’s our decision of how we are going to be. Too many people just show up for life and turn out the way they do after the world beats them up and spits them out. Deciding on the person we want to be doesn’t make our challenges go away but it does make challenges much easier to deal with.

One of the other big decisions we can make is how we are going to behave in an important relationship. Too many people go from day to day with no vision in their heart of what kind of wife, husband, parent, or person they want to be. Again, most people just show up and deal with life as it comes, allowing circumstances and situations to mostly define the person they are. If we want to be a loving person, we have to be able to envision ourselves as loving. It’s then that we can train ourselves in our thinking, attitudes, and behaviors to be more in line with our vision. The Bible teaches us that without vision the people perish. Having a mental image/vision of who we want to be is very important.

Although I take little personal or singular credit for the things that are good in my relationship with Eileen and our kids, and we acknowledge our great blessings, our part has been done with a vision of how we want things to turn out. We’ve worked toward that vision. We continue to work toward that vision. While Eileen may not have to work as much on being a gracious and loving person, there are areas that even Eileen works on. As for me, I work on all areas!!!

In all seriousness, no relationship is without vulnerability to satan. Yet, if we seek to love each other more each day with all that love entails, our marital vulnerability to satan, arguments, and disagreements becomes very low. Therefore, it’s important to have a very clear vision of what that kind of love looks like, smells like, and tastes like. We must be willing to shed all of our resentments, heartaches, arrogance, and grudges against our spouse or others in order to truly pursue a loving vision. It’s also important to accentuate our strengths and correct our weaknesses. Please note that I didn’t say ignore or discount our weaknesses. We need to absolutely correct them. I can tell you the main strength and weakness of Eileen and me. Eileen is our strength and I am our weakness!! I just wanted to say that before one of you did!! Certainly though, if there is ever a problem in our marriage you can correctly presume that I will probably be the one at the heart of the difficulty. Eileen truly is the real deal. We learn a lot from interacting with each other and pursuing our vision together.

SENSOR

About six months ago the airbag light began flashing in the car. I took it to the Toyota dealer who tried to trace the problem but couldn’t find it. It took them a couple of hours and they charged me $130.00. Since they couldn’t find a problem, they reset the light and sent me on my way. Just before heading to Illinois a couple of weeks ago, the flashing red light came on again. It was very annoying and distracting especially at night. So, I put a band-aid over the light and off we went. Two days ago I took the car to a different shop to get the oil changed and asked them if they could diagnose the airbag light. It cost me sixty dollars and about thirty minutes. They traced it to a sensor which is located in the passenger seat. The mechanic gave me a computer printout of the problem and suggested that I take it back to the dealer. He doesn’t do airbag work but warned me that my problem may be $1,500 or more to fix. So, I stopped at the dealer to make an appointment to see what they say now. I take the car in on Friday.

Sometimes I wish we had flashing spiritual sensors to tell us when we are headed down the wrong path in life. It seems that the only sensors we have is a quickening in our conscious or a fitly word spoken by another. However, we are usually so attuned to our wants that we disregard or place a band-aid over any warning lights that our conscious can be giving. Even if the warning signal is as annoying and distracting as the light in my car, over time we can grow numb to the caution. For the most part though, our warnings from the conscious are subtle and there are no flashing lights to warn us of our wandering ways. About the only back-up system we have is to know what is right and seek to do it. Even if God was to actively warn us, mankind’s history is to ignore the warnings and continue to pursue our own ways and desires.

My car may take $1500 or more to fix. Yet, I don’t want to do without the airbags. Mistakes in our personal lives can cost us a lot more than $1500. They may cost us everything. It’s good to keep our conscious sensitive to our thoughts and actions. Our conscious is a sensitive sensor; it’s best to keep it clear.

A FOUNTAIN

I had an appointment with our dentist today. After the teeth cleaning venture and the dentist came into the room to inspect my teeth, the dentist asked me if I had any questions. I said that I’d like to talk to her for a moment. The hygienist stepped out of the room and the dentist put aside her gear and sat attentively. I told her that we were disappointed that she repeated my mother’s comment about me to Eileen. The doctor listened to me and responded with an apology. I’ll spare you all the details but I will say that she was very conversant, took her time with our conversation, and was very contrite. She also offered to call Eileen to apologize, but I said that I would convey the message. I was very impressed with the way the dentist handled the situation and I left the office feeling good about our conversation. Besides her words, I could tell that the dentist very much likes our family, and of course loves Eileen.

Everyone seems to really love Eileen. Wherever Eileen graces the earth she leaves a host of admirers. Is she really that wonderful? Is she really that much better of a person than me? Yes, on both accounts. However, if you know Eileen I’m not telling you anything new. As her husband, it’s sometimes difficult to absorb all her love. It is so consistently and endlessly abundant. Again, she leaves a bit of that with everyone she encounters. Eileen’s ability to love is truly amazing and it touches people. Even so, there’s a special quality to her love that is not as outwardly visible.

Eileen’s love is very principled and disciplined. She is the epitome of the saying, “There’s no right way to do a wrong thing.” Right is right and wrong is wrong to her. Although there aren’t any significant decisions made without Eileen’s input, she gives total and uncompromising support to the decisions we make. I may be the guy out front and the main person who absorbs the blows, but Eileen is firmly attached to every decision. She isn’t just a loving spectator. In fact, she is a phenomenal decision maker whose eye stays on the right outcome and is a person who stands strong in what she believes. The fact is that to the degree that I am a “hard man,” Eileen is right there with me and is just as strong. To the degree that I am “loving and gentle,” she is a fountain from which it flows.

Indeed, everyone seems to really love Eileen. I’m the one blessed with the responsibility to be her spouse. I thank God that He answers my prayer to empower me to love Eileen more each day. It helps make each new day something to look forward to!!

CONTROL: MANIPULATION & DECEIT

Who controls your household? Although I bear the title head of the household, I’m not so sure that I control it!! In fact, I think it is Eileen who controls it. Though I am the primary decision maker, virtually all decisions are made in concert with Eileen. Even though Eileen most often gives me input and leaves the decisions to me, I can’t remember a time that Eileen wanted things her way that she didn’t get what she wanted. Why? It’s very simple. There’s one thing that I want more than to get my way. That’s for Eileen to get hers!! So, in a discussion that Eileen expresses a preference, she has two people on her side: Her and me!! Therefore, I’d have to say that Eileen runs the household. Basically anything that she wants, she gets. The little secret though is that Eileen is a person of simple wants and needs. She gives a lot and asks for soooooo very little. It’s an honor to agree with Eileen.

In a lot of families there are power struggles. Manipulation and deceit are the primary modes in operation. There is a constant tug of war to get one’s way or fulfill one’s agenda. It’s a two edged sword. On one edge is the constant threat of disagreements and arguments which erupt as one person actively pursues one’s own desires. On the other edge is the passive manipulations and deceit which is designed to stay under the radar but still accomplish one’s desires. The more destructive of the two is the manipulation and deceit. People will argue and still respect one another. However, deception of any kind cuts through the entire basic tenet of any relationship: Trust. Losing trust is much more substantial than losing an argument. Lose trust and you risk losing it all.

Children are sometimes especially good at manipulating parents. It can start at a very young age and really blossom in the teen years. Even if the parents realize that they are being manipulated, they lack the moral courage to stop it. In effect, their desire to have constant peace with their child outweighs their parental responsibility to stop the power struggle and raise their child right. So, the parents surrender to an untoward peace giving effective control of the household to the child.

We can also see the blossoming of children’s manipulative skills when parents get older, especially if there is a single parent. In these cases, we see an adult child who wants to control something in the parent’s household. Often times it’s for control of current or future assets, favoritism, or influence. So, the adult child uses good will, pressure, coercion against other siblings, and other forms of manipulation to gain a special foothold with the parent. The relentless adult child eventually affects most of the parent’s behaviors especially with the siblings, even to the point of the parent developing an emotional dependency with the adult child. In effect though, the adult child not only runs the parent’s household but runs the extended family structure. He/she who controls the parent controls the family. Once again, even if the parent sees what’s happening, the parent often doesn’t have the moral courage to retake the reins. The parent knows to oppose the child would cause grief with that child, a grief that the parent is unwilling to endure. Again, we see the surrendering to an untoward peace; the parent turns the household over to this child, even if it’s to the detriment of other children.

Control of a household is important. It sets the course for the day-to-day operations as well as for future endeavors. Even more important than who is in control is how control is attained. Blessed are those who lead by grace but accursed are those who manipulate and deceive the naïve and the "soft."

For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naïve. [Romans 16:18]

HARD AS A ROCK

Eileen was at the dentist’s office when the dentist told her that her mother-in-law (my mother) really thinks the world of her but thinks that “Michael is a hard man.” Upset and embarrassed, Eileen responded, “Michael is the most loving and gentle man that I’ve ever known.” Hooray for Eileen!! Yay, yippee, yahoo!! Way to go, girllllll-friend!! Thank you, Eileen!!  Anyway, from a certain perspective, I know why my mother thinks that. We won’t go into that though!! We also won’t go into why the dentist is taking my mother’s comments from the treatment room and repeating them. Anyway…

Speaking of being hard, life can be hard. Living the Christian life can be real hard. It’s easy to go with the flow of life but it is hard to stand against wrong and inappropriate behaviors in our families and otherwise. Similarly, it’s easy to try to keep everyone happy by continually turning one’s head but it’s hard to stand against gross manipulations, dishonestly, and deceit. Yet, as Christians we are called to stand for right and against wrong. One of the hardest things to deal with is what I’ve blogged about many times. That is peace. To keep peace we often turn the other cheek, look the other way, and retain a very short memory. However, there often comes a point when we are faced with the hard choice of choosing between what has become an unhealthy and illicit peace or righteousness. When things get so out of balance and so out of whack, we often face this choice. Mostly, we take the easy route so as to keep things peaceful; we just shake our heads and walk away. Other times it’s necessary to make the hard choice and stand for what is right.

This world mostly doesn’t want what is right. It wants what is physically, emotionally, and spiritually easy. When we don’t stand firm against the adverse influences in our lives, we in effect slowly sell our souls to the one making the most noise. We just don’t want to make waves even if it’s to resist what is blatantly wrong. Yet, where moral courage lacks, iniquity prevails…just look around. Our families and country got in this shape by our lack of courage to take a stand. If you get nothing else from this blog, I hope you get this: Our lack of moral courage actively provokes those on the other side of right to keep at it.

As we watch the destruction of our ethics and morals, I wonder what it will take for us to harden up and take a stand. When will we resist? Especially in our own families, especially where our kids are concerned, we have to harden up so as to stand for what is right rather than let the world have its uncontested way with them. Indeed life is hard and while we need to be “loving and gentle,” a part of us needs to be as hard as a rock.

APOLOGIES

Have you ever had someone who owed you an apology who just couldn’t do it? Have you ever known someone who owes you a succession of apologies, tries to be nice to you in the interim, but repeats his offenses whenever similar situations arise? It revolves around the same thing: A lack of moral courage. Moral courage can be defined as the courage it takes to do the right thing. A person can be rather sorry for his actions and recalling the offenses may even be grievous to him, but a lack of moral courage keeps him from apologizing and reforming his actions. A lack of moral courage is likely what caused the offense in the first place: The inability or unwillingness to do the right thing.

For as good as we think we are as a human species, it’s amazing that doing the right thing can be so difficult. For all the Christians and other religious people running around, moral courage would seem to be more evident. Yet, relationships often remain damaged because there isn’t even enough moral courage in so many of us to offer a simple apology. The ego is a mighty adversary which thinks that an apology is a show of weakness.

An apology is somewhat like a confession. It’s a time to admit one’s wrong doing and resolve not to do it again. Yet, for some, they won’t apologize because they have an agenda which sometimes necessitates offending others. They may offer a quick apology when caught red-handed, but they resume their untoward actions whenever needed.

For the most part, an actual apology means less than the apology’s presumed and inherent intent not to repeat the offense. When offenses are repeated, we presume that the person uses the apology only as a manipulative tool to get around those who stand against their offenses. Of course those apologies never seem sincere. Nevertheless, a sincere apology with the firm intent to not repeat the offense is an invaluable way to renew damaged relationships.

BLOWING IN THE WIND

Eileen began the annual process of making lime pickles today with 25 pounds of cucumbers. It’s a three day process that we’ll intermingle processing of sweet corn with, in a couple of days too.

In other news, a friend was blowing off her carport when a blog suggestion came to her mind. She said that you can work and work but one wrong move with the blower can mess it all up. She said the same is with life. We can work and work in life, doing a good job, and one wrong move can mess it all up. That is so true. It’s also true that bad things can happen to good people. I don’t know that from personal experience but I’ve heard it is true!!

WHAT WAS I THINKING?!

What on earth could I have possibly been thinking when I wrote yesterday’s blog “Shake it up”?! That was crazy talk. My arm bothered me so much last night and today that I doubt I even look at those hedge trimmers for a while. I have a very high pain tolerance but, whew, it was a tough night. It reminded me that someone asked me on a scale of ten what is the most pain I’ve ever had. I jokingly responded a 13!! It wasn’t the worst I’ve had but it was more than reasonable. Anyway, I finally hit the narcotics and eventually got to sleep around 3:30am. As I lay there, Eileen talked to me almost until 3:00am. I didn’t feel much like talking but it was comforting to hear Eileen’s voice. I’d ask her questions about how she felt about various topics and she’d download - - - I mean freely respond. It was the most enjoyable misery I’ve had in while!! I eventually ran out of questions and Eileen dozed off to sleep. A while after that I fell asleep too. Today I was still feeling pretty rough until I had a good vomiting session. It seems that when the pain gets to a point that I get sick that I do feel better afterwards. It kind of resets everything to let me get back on top of it. I got to feeling real good as the night wore on; then we realized that I forgot to take the Gleevec. Oh well, it was good while it lasted.

SHAKE IT UP

Eileen asked me what I was up to yesterday morning. I said that I was going to mow the yard. She asked if I was going to weed-eat and edge too. I replied that I didn’t know yet. Eileen asked me if I would tell her if I did. Knowing that she would go out there and want to do it for me, I said that I would NOT tell her. She laughed and asked if I didn’t want her to join me. I smiled and said no. She does enough the way it is. So, I went out and grabbed the gas-powered hedge trimmers and began trimming the shrubs. Note: The hedge trimmer is neither the weed-eater nor the edger!! Anyway, the hedge trimmer or anything that vibrates that much is usually enemy number one to my arm. However, I finished with the shrubs and then cut the grass with the riding mower. As of this writing, my arm is doing comparatively great. In fact, although my right wrist/hand appears swollen and feels quite boggy, it feels better than it has in a while. I realize that this could be the calm before the storm but for now maybe I needed to shake things up in there a little bit. I’ll know for sure in a few hours!! Meanwhile, my energy is up quite a bit today. It seems that I’m recovering well from our trip.

SYMPTOM UPDATE

I’m writing this blog post Wednesday afternoon after just getting up from a nap. I’m pleased to report that my arm has finally settled down some for the first time since holding Lindsay a bit too much last Saturday. However, using my right index finger, while pecking on this keyboard, lets me know that the battle may not be completely over. For now though, I’m thankful. It has been rather intense at times. My stomach has been doing fairly well in the daytime but not so good after taking Gleevec in the evening. It’s made it a little tough getting to sleep but once I get to sleep I’ve been doing fine. My leg cramps are much better. My legs remain in a constant mild contracted state but no cramping like I was experiencing a couple of weeks ago. As far as my tiredness goes, it’s hard to tell. I’m still in the recovery mode from the long and awkward hours spent on the trip to Illinois.

Although the side effects of the Gleevec are a real pain to contend with, my side effects remain inconsequential compared to many others who are on the same chemotherapeutic. Furthermore, the Gleevec side effects continue to remain a secondary issue compared to my right arm. It seems I have less trouble with my arm if I use it some but it sure doesn’t take much to set it off when I do. Otherwise, it remains a constant deep achy gnawing pain that sometimes makes my stomach upset on its own. I still spend a considerable amount of mental energy controlling/suppressing arm pain. I’m not complaining; just giving an update!!

ILLINOIS TRIP

I want to mention that we had a wonderful trip to Illinois. Our daughter rescheduled her last final to be taken the day before we left and Eileen took Friday off. Rarely does Eileen take any personal days or even sick days but we needed to get to Illinois in time for the wedding rehearsal on Friday evening. Eileen was reading the Scripture verses for the wedding. So, after school on Thursday we headed out. Having packed sandwiches for supper, we were able to make only two quick gas stops before arriving at 2:30am Friday morning. Before pulling into Eileen’s mom’s house, we went to the house of one of Eileen’s brothers. There we sat in the driveway and accessed their internet. Our sister-in-law had previously given us the security code. Although I already had written and posted the blog posts, I also post them on Facebook. I have to do that manually. Each day we made a quick stop to access the internet to post to Facebook.

We awoke fairly early Friday morning to find Eileen’s mom (Eunice) having a lot of lower back pain. As you may recall from the blog a few days ago, she has a compression fracture in her lower spine. We spent much of the day doing what we could for her and obtaining x-rays and reports, before heading to the wedding rehearsal and then the dinner.

The wedding ceremony went very well and Eileen did a great job with the readings. We went to the reception afterwards and then the dinner and dance. After dancing and visiting with the family, we left the festivities at about 10pm. It was time to get some rest after a very tiring day and before a long road trip the next day. Sunday morning, after working with Eunice one last time, we headed home in a light sprinkle. After just a little ways, the sprinkle turned into horrendous rain, wind, and hail. There were a couple of times that we were just crawling along that I would have pulled over if I could have found a safe place on those country roads. We finally drove out of it and had drier and hotter weather as we traveled south. We arrived home around 9pm on Sunday thankful for a safe trip and wonderful visit.

TOO HIGH

Yesterday’s Reuters News Service article begins: “The skyrocketing cost of new cancer treatments is putting advances in fighting the deadly disease out of reach for a growing number of Americans. Cancer patients are abandoning medical care because the costs are simply too high and medical bills -- even among the insured -- are unmanageable and put patients at a greater risk of bankruptcy, studies show. There's a growing awareness that the cost of cancer treatment is unsustainable," said Dr. Lee Schwartzberg, an oncologist who did a study examining the factors that contributed to patients quitting their oral cancer drugs. The article concluded: "We need to change the culture of doctors and patients and how medicine is practiced…”

May I be so bold as to recommend my series on Health Insurance from last week?! It seems that it always takes a “study” to conclude what we’ve known all along. Namely, healthcare costs are too dang high!!

ARROGANCE

When my father was really starting to feel ill, I flew out to Arizona to see him. Using a stethoscope to listen to his lungs, I noted that he didn’t have breath sounds in the middle lobe of his right lung. He also had night sweats and intermittent fever. Some of you may have already guessed that it sounds like pneumonia. That’s what I thought. I went with my father to his already scheduled doctor’s appointment and told the doctor of my findings. He just did a cursory scan of my father’s chest with his stethoscope while talking. He then told my father that his problem was all in his head. I was shocked!! The doctor certainly didn’t know the mental strength and fortitude of my father to have made such a crazy statement. A few days later my father coughed up a part of the cancer which was causing the pneumonia in his lung. Of course the doctor’s whole demeanor changed.

My mother-in-law (Eunice) fell and broke her hip back in January. Besides her obvious leg pain, she complained of low back pain. In fact, she complained that her back hurt worse than her broken leg!! If Eunice complains of pain then someone needs to take note. They told her that her back was bruised from the fall. Over the months she continued to have intense back pain. Yet, no-one was willing to x-ray it. The doctor told her that it was her imagination. I told Eileen that Eunice likely has a compression fracture in her back from the fall and needs to go to a different doctor or whatever it takes to get an x-ray. As gently as Eileen could, she pestered Eunice who in turn talked to the doctor. He finally took an x-ray, and sure enough, Eunice has a compression fracture at the base of her spine.

The arrogance amazes me. I guess that if some doctors can’t figure out the problem then it must be in the patient’s mind. I’m thankful that my doctors aren’t that way. To those who have doctors that are so arrogant, there are plenty of doctors who aren’t. Remember, it’s important to maintain as much control of our health as possible, even if that means keeping an eye on those who are supposed to be keeping an eye on us.

YO-YO EFFECT

It seems fairly customary that when life gets rough that we migrate back to the Bible and to God. It’s then that we knock the dust off the cover and get back on our knees. Otherwise, we go about our lives interjecting just enough energy into our spiritual lives to make us feel that we are okay with God. It’s only when things turn bad in life that we shift into a higher gear of our spiritual intention. Thus, our relationship with God is on a yo-yo basis. We draw close when we need Him and lapse into a more distant relationship the rest of the time.

I think we draw way too much comfort from all the lovey dovey God is love speak. We act as if God has no righteous, holy, or pious standards by which we will be judges. We take our comfort in the fact that God loves us. Like I blogged before though, our eternity won’t be determined so much by whether God loves us; that is a given. Our eternity rests more on whether we love God. There’s a catch though. While God says that the greatest commend is to love Him with our whole being, God also defines what love means. God says that we can tell if we love Him by our “obedience”. To the degree that we obey God’s commands and ways is to the degree that we love Him. If we aren’t so good at doing God’s will then we aren’t so good at loving Him. Not loving God shouldn’t give us much comfort no matter how many times we hear that God loves us.

It is much better that we seek to understand the ways of God and submit ourselves to them. This will keep us from the constant yo-yo effect in our faith lives and will bridge God’s love with ours.

A WEDDING DAY

Today we are attending our nephew’s wedding in Illinois. We left Pensacola on Thursday afternoon and will head back tomorrow. We left the house in the capable hands of our son and the dog. Anyway, Eileen is reading in the wedding and the festivities will extend late into the night. It will be similar to what Eileen and I experienced almost 32 years ago.

Of all the things that I’ve forgotten over the years due to too many encounters with surgical anesthesia and perhaps an aging mind, I remember our wedding day rather well. In fact, I remember not sleeping very well the night before. I was a bit concerned about the commitment I had made. Even after the wedding ceremony, as we proceeded out of the church, the pictures show a concerned look on my face while Eileen smiled from ear to ear. Now, I’m the one smiling ear to ear and Eileen is the one with a concerned look on her face!! Really though, it was a great day and one of the greatest blessings that has or ever could happen to me.

MANDATORY HEALTH INSURANCE (Part III of III)

Let’s remember that we got into this healthcare cost crisis because we socialized our healthcare dollars by pooling them together and allowing doctors and hospitals to charge whatever they could against that overfunded pool. Over the years, the increase in the cost of healthcare has outpaced the insurance companies’ ability to add new members to the pool and to charge marketable premiums. Insurance premiums which the government and companies once gladly paid, instead of increased wages, are now crippling their operational costs. Now, insurance companies are cutting doctor’s fees, denying medical services, and increasing premiums to overbearing amounts. The goose that laid the golden eggs is now biting back. Doctors and hospitals which once lavished in the socialized pooling of healthcare dollars now bitterly complain that insurance companies hamper their ability to function in the free market system by having bureaucrats and insurance clerks determine their fees. That’s almost laughable. There is hardly anything free market about our healthcare system. It is a socialized mess.

What are our options? Anything we try to do is going to be chaotic. We’ve taken a free market entity and turned it into a socialized entity in a market system which is still primarily free market. The major problem is that forces other than free market forces have artificially inflated the cost of healthcare beyond what it would be if health insurance never came along. So, the chief question is: What do we do with the artificially inflated medical costs?

To a large extent there’s not much we can do. Doctors couldn’t keep their doors open if we went back before insurance and applied cost of living and inflation rates to their fees and paid them what that calculated out to be in today’s dollars. In other words, their business overhead has gotten artificially higher than what they would be making today if health insurance would have never happened. In order for them to make it, we’d have to make the same calculations with all medical suppliers and everyone associated with medical costs. That’s not going to happen. Medical costs are going to be out of balance with personal wages for the foreseeable future. That gap is likely to never get close again. To a large degree, undoing our artificially inflated medical costs is like trying to unboil a hardboiled egg. That’s the problem with socialized anything.

Medical costs are so high that a person has to have health insurance or risk major financial disaster. Even so, many people with insurance are wiped out by uncovered medical expenses. The cost of healthcare in this nation is out of control and affects everything from auto insurance to Medicare & Medicaid. It’s not that we don’t have enough dollars in the pool. The problem is that there is never enough dollars in the pool. The more there is, the more it takes, the more is taken.

Our country’s current solution is a form of universal health care. This is a short-term fix that will bring monies into the healthcare pool by mandating that all people get insurance. The young people who typically don’t buy health insurance or use healthcare services are forced to contribute to the pool. However, there’s not enough new young people’s dollars to outpace the veracious appetite of medical care. The hope is that the increases in insurance premiums, cuts to services, and boards to determine medical necessity and feasibility of a service will slow down the consumption of the pool dollars. Already though, hospitals are being closed and “cash-poor governments are ditching public hospitals”. I’m not sure that the cure for the ills of socialized medicine is more socialized medicine. It’s pouring good money after bad money. This cure looks worse than the disease.

As many predicted in the early days of health insurance, we are headed for full socialized medicine. Further, we’re likely headed for the same socialized medical mess as we see in other parts of the world. With mandatory health care, we’ll all be in the same leaky boat…except for the thousands who are exempted for political reasons.

I’ve always cringed at the sight of patients conducting bake sales, raffles, and other fund raising activities so a person can have a medical procedure performed. For too long, medical fees have artificially outpaced the wages of society. I don’t begrudge a doctor making a good wage but doctors should have shown some restraint in the face of all the pooled dollars they were swimming in. Their money aggression, also known as greed, set us on the perpetual cycle of finding enough dollars to pay medical fees which continue to grossly surpass the free market’s ability to pay. As long as this is the economic model, we’re in for a rough ride.

Do you want to see an example of what the Bible calls the weeping and gnashing of teeth? Then I suggest that as soon as the economy stabilizes that we do away with health insurance. It would cause a financial crash in everything associated with medicine. All those who have been lavishly living off the medical dollar, from suppliers to doctors, would be forced down into free market prices. Doctors would quit and there would be an extreme doctor shortage until the system recovered and people went into medicine for greater humanitarian reasons…those who would be willing to make a good living based on the free market system. Of course, as I previously said, nothing like that will ever happen. So, it’s onward with a system that depends on the pooling of dollars and allows medical costs to outpace the wages of its citizens. Consequently, the medical establishment which brought us this mess won’t experience the weeping and gnashing of teeth. Instead, our weeping and our gnashing has just begun. Just wait until this socialized conglomeration plays itself out.

In my days as a chiropractic physician, there were only a small percentage of insurance companies that covered chiropractic care. Fees were based on the cash-paying patient. Over the years, as with podiatrists and dentists too, that has changed greatly…and so have their fees and their associated overhead costs. While the free market system keeps the greedy from exploiting the masses, socialized greed exploits everyone.

"Yes, they are greedy dogs which can never have enough, and they are shepherds that cannot understand: they all look to their own way, each seek his own gain." Isaiah 56:11

INSURANCE COVERAGE (Part II of III)

What does a person do who chooses not to have insurance? First of all, he has to understand that he will be charged medical fees that are based on the ability of insurance companies to pay, not on individual free market factors. If insurance was outlawed, medical fees would necessarily plummet because there would only be a few people who could come close to paying the cost of major medical care today. Of course, insurance won’t be outlawed so we will have to rely on bureaucrats and insurance clerks to help keep costs down, not free market forces. How do bureaucrats and insurance clerks keep costs down? They deny services to us and cut doctor fees.

You see, the insurance companies have gotten to where they can’t afford medical care either. They no longer can make up medical costs by increasing the number of people they insure. Most people now have coverage. Their chief way now of covering costs is through insurance premiums. Thus, insurance companies have two main ways of cutting their medical costs. They deny services… which leave us with more to pay, and they increase premiums… which leave us with more to pay. It would have been a lot cheaper if we would have never socialized our medical coverage. Now we’re at the breaking point of medical services being cut, medical fees being cut, and insurance premiums being unaffordable.

I mentioned yesterday that everything associated with medical care has increased its fees. StudentDoc Online reports: “In a recent study by the Association of American Medical Colleges the cost of private medical schools has risen 165% and the cost of public medical schools has gone up 312% over the last 20 years. A similar study by the AMA found that medical school costs have increased substantially more than the Consumer Price Index (inflation). The average medical student graduates with nearly $100,000 in student loan debt.” Doctors who go on to specialize incur even more debt. Combining student loan debt with the high costs of medical practice, beginning doctors say they can’t afford to have their fees cut. Yet, once they get out of debt, doctors make a very generous living. In fact, doctors who are rather young have lived very expensive lifestyles via this pool of socialized money. Even so, doctor’s fees are only going to be cut a certain amount or doctors, especially the new ones, won’t be able to afford to practice. When insurance companies can’t cut fees, they cut services.

Although cutting services excludes some doctors from doing what they deem is medically necessary, cutting services shift more of the artificially inflated medical costs to the patient. So, we are at a crisis point in this social experiment with healthcare dollars. We’ve reached the point in which the goose laying the golden eggs is sick. It (insurance companies) can’t afford to pay the socialized artificially inflated medical costs anymore; the doctors can’t afford to have their fees cut anymore; patients can’t afford to pay for non-covered medical care; companies can’t afford to pay the outlandish insurance premiums, and patients can’t afford to pay the eccentric insurance premiums either. So, what has evolved? It’s the call for universal insurance.

What about our fella who decided not to get healthcare coverage? He’s typically young and has little need for major medical care. He doesn’t want to pay high insurance premiums to help prop the rest of us up when he is unlikely to use it. But if he does need it and can’t afford it, then we all pay for it through our taxes (Medicaid) and/or increased health premiums to offset his cost.

HEALTH COSTS (Part I of III)

My chemotherapeutic drug, Gleevec, costs over $6,000 per month. Quick math says that amounts to over $72,000 per year. I’m supposed to take this for the rest of my life. What would I do without insurance? Have you ever taken a good look at a medical bill after surgery? What would a person do without insurance?

In 1900, the average American spent five dollars a year on healthcare. That’s about one hundred dollars today. Notice though that is $100.00 per year spent, not per visit. As health care costs normally increased, nothing contributed to the cost explosion like health insurance. As the government and some big companies began offering insurance instead of wage increases, there was a big pool of health dollars from which to draw. Thus, doctors and hospitals began charging more for their services.

The increased fees began a vicious cycle which continues today. As doctors and hospitals began to make more money, their suppliers began charging them more for everything from basic medical equipment to tissue paper. To keep their profit margin, doctors and hospitals kept increasing fees. The more money they made the more everyone associated with health care, including malpractice awards, increased their costs. As long as doctors and hospitals could keep going to the goose which was laying the golden eggs, the insurance companies, the fee increases continued…and continues today.

Basically, healthcare costs are based on what insurance companies will pay, not on what individuals can pay. Thus, fees are what a conglomeration of people can pay (insurance premiums) not on what individuals can pay. That is a major cause of our health cost problem today. In our attempt to socialize medical costs by pooling monies to cover medical costs, we now have medical fees at a cost only insurance companies can afford. Individuals have pretty well been priced out of the market by these artificially inflated costs.

As one can see, our medical care is not a free market commodity. It is not based on what individuals can pay. Again, medical costs are based on what thousands of people pooling their money can pay. Why do medical costs always outpace the cost of living or inflation? To reiterate the point again, their fees aren’t based on free market factors of individual people’s ability to pay; they’re based on socialized pooling of monies. Individuals can’t afford healthcare today. Only socialized insurance companies can. How many individuals can afford Gleevec at a price of $72,000 per year for year after year? They typically can’t, and medical costs wouldn’t be so high if medicine didn’t know that insurance companies can and will pay their fees.