Kindle

Writing this Thursday evening, I just arose from a nearly five hour nap. Still though, I don’t think I’ll have any trouble sleeping tonight; I’m still tired. Before this cancer business began, a twenty minute nap was long for me. Although five hours is a record for me, two hour naps aren’t that uncommon.
I took my car in today to get some recall work done. While waiting I read on my Kindle. The most common e-readers are Kindles and Nooks. They are pretty cool gadgets. I downloaded a free Bible on it and that’s where I now usually do my daily readings. Also, my son put my Morning Ritual (which is some morning thanksgivings and readings) into pdf form. He then put it onto the Kindle for me too. Soon, my book will be released into Kindle and Nook format also.
Well, most of the day has past me by. So, I think I'll see what I can salvage out of it!!

Restful

Early morning Wednesday for my arm was as stormy as the weather was outside. However, as the morning progressed the pain relented quite a bit. As I increase the dosage of my powerful pain medication, it seems to always increase my stomach pain and nausea. That’s what I primarily dealt with most of yesterday as my arm pain was becoming tolerable. In the midst of it all, I was able to get some important errands completed. I had some things I needed to get done at home too and so it’s late at night while I’m writing this. Thursday morning, I need to take the car in for some recall work but then I plan on getting some serious rest. My energy level is very low and I’m struggling a bit right now. It’s not just been these past couple of days which have taken its toll; really, it’s been a tough December. Much of the inciting of my arm has either been of my own choosing, like holding my granddaughter, or has been my own stupidity in going outside without enough arm protection. As a result, my systems are starting to struggle. Although I generally push on… fighting pain, cancer, chemo, and anemia eventually forces me resign my adventures for awhile. I am very much looking forward to my rest time tomorrow. Oh yes, I’m fully aware that many people don’t get a rest time from their infirmities; many never escape their intractable pain. I’m very sorry for them; my heart goes out to them. However, it is my blessing that my pain does remit enough for me to rest and recoup…and so I shall…God willing.

A Crossroad

As I do many of my blog posts, I’m writing this on the preceding evening of its posting (Tuesday evening). I expected to be back to my normal residual amount of arm pain by now, after venturing into the cold underdressed yesterday. But instead of relenting, the arm has intensified throughout the day. My stomach has also been very contrary, making the chemo dose I’m about to take an especially revolting thought. A nap was hard to come by as my protesting body kept me mostly awake. I hope to be able to sleep tonight. However, it won’t be that uncommon if I don’t and will just hope for a better Wednesday. I have a lot to do tomorrow and I know that I will push through it like so many others do every day. I remain ever thankful that this intensity will eventually relent; for so many their miseries are 24/7. Thankfully, I’ll catch a bit of a break sooner or later. I notice that when I feel like this there is a crossroad that seems to always challenge me. There is the strong temptation to be melancholy and have a bit of a pity party, or I can take the other road and shrink my circle of thought. In other words, rather than engage my mind in the pain, nausea, politics, and happenings of the world, I shrink my thoughts to what I have to be thankful for. Even more, rather than just mouth my thanksgivings, I can better feel them…in my own little tight circled world. When it seems to hurt to even think, it’s easy to tighten the circle of the things I think about. Rather than think of things to despair about, I think on the things to be thankful for. In times like these, it would be easier to be in despair. However, we’re called to rise above ourselves and join the echoing choir of those who are thankful during all things…especially during things much worse than I’ve ever endured. So, onward I amble through this crossroad as I look forward to a better tomorrow.

Morale of the Story?

Monday was one of those days when it looked like it ought to be warmer than it was. The sun was bright and our house was warm. My wall gauge and my computer could have told me the temperature if I would have bothered to look. Moreover, a click of the mouse would have given me the wind chill. I went from the house to the garage where I had trouble getting the car started. For some reason it didn’t want to start although it has a fairly new battery. After a few tries, it finally sputtered, coughed out some black smoke, and then started. It seemed to run fine. After dropping our daughter off at school, I drove straight to the car dealer, parked it, and turned it off. I waited a moment and then cranked the engine. It started right up. I turned it off and started it a few more times; there was no trouble. So, I left the parking lot and headed to my Mom’s house. I was toasty warm and the sun was still shining brightly when I arrived. However, it didn’t take me long to determine that I was underdressed for the occasion. Nevertheless, I began taking down my Mom’s Christmas lights off her house. At first, using the ladder, I plucked each light holder from the gutter individually. When I got that deep bone chill, I stood on the ground and pulled the wire down popping the lights with their holders off the gutter. It worked well and fast. Afterwards, I only had to retrieve a few light holders which held fast to the gutter. Next, I went into her house to take down the artificial tree. Are those things supposed to fit back in their box?! I’m sure if Mom would have been home that she could have told me the secret, but my arm which had already been seized by the cold had enough of the tree in short order. The box bulged a bit in its worn condition, but I got the tree into the attic without too much further trouble. I then went back in and saw all the little needles that needed to be vacuumed up. It was quite tempting to leave that to someone else but instead I looked in a couple of closets for the vacuum cleaner. Finding none, my intensely aching arm and I were glad to leave. As I reached the back door, there I saw it. The yellow machine stared at me and dared me to walk past it. I very much wanted to but I didn’t. So, I grabbed the yellow vacuum cleaner and began the cleanup. It was only 10am and I had already royally ticked my arm off. But I had a few more things I had to get done before I could nurse-maid it. Thankfully the car started and I pushed on. So, what’s the morale to the story? There really isn’t one; that’s just how my day started!!

Wisdom?

A medical school president once told a class of freshman medical students, “Half of what we teach you here will be proven to be wrong; we just don’t know which half!” He was referring to how fast medical advancements are made, leaving old thoughts and practices behind. Sometimes I think that we are that way too. We have a lot of answers to life’s questions, only to have them proven wrong by living and experiencing life. Similarly, we seem to have all kinds of answers for other people’s lives, but when it comes to our own, we kind of spin our wheels.
It’s probably best that we don’t get too comfortable with our own wisdom. A healthy dose of humility can keep our eyes open enough to what we are to see in life, and keep our hearts soft enough to what we are to learn. There are so many uncertainties in life and so much that is truly unknown. If we have answers to all of life’s unknowns, we probably have more figured out in life than is possible. Life is designed to be lived by faith and knowledge, not by knowledge alone. It’s scary to think that perhaps half of what we “know” will one day be proven wrong, either on this side of eternity or the other. For me, I’ll be interested to see how the religions and denominations all sort out. They can’t all be right/wrong. Can they?!

Happy New Year!!

While much of the world was in revelry last night, Eileen and I were alone for about three hours. We didn’t do much, and it was sure nice. Although we don’t crave “alone” time, because we have responsibilities that we take seriously, it is very nice to be alone sometimes. Some people have to have some sort of noise going on all the time. With an active family, that is easily accomplished. However, I think it’s important that we take some alone time to especially connect with our soul. It’s in those alone times that we can best get to know ourselves, warts and all. It’s a great time to take inventory of where our life is headed and the corrections we need to make. Especially now, New Year’s is a great time to start on a new journey to better know God and self. It can be scary; we can be afraid of what we might learn about ourselves and the changes which our conscious mind may demand. We may come face-to-face with things we’ve kept buried within our psyches…and we may awaken to a new direction for our life. Yet, as it is raining while I write this, I’m reminded that everything needs a bath once in a while, especially our inner being.

Speaking of rain, this change of weather and fluctuating temperatures is no friend to my arm. It just adds to an already uncomfortable situation. I went off some of my anti-nausea medicine for a couple of days. Although it was good to see how I can do without it, I definitely need to be on it. In a backwards way, the medicine let me know how much it is helping!! Although I have a significant battle with primarily my arm and then the chemo, I’m always reminded of those who would exchange personal battles with me in a heartbeat…and not just physical battles. I’m well aware of that and thus am sluggish to complain. I write of my symptoms for those who like to keep track and those who are in a similar battle themselves. Much of life is about pushing on regardless of how one feels. It’s about making each day a New Year regardless of what has transpired the day before. So, to everyone for many reasons…Happy New Year!!