What I’ve Learned

In a phone conversation with our younger son last night, he confirmed his decision to retire from professional baseball and return back to school. He told the Phillies that his retirement will be effective July 31st.
We knew he had been thinking about this decision for quite a while as he made application to University of West Florida and transferred his credits from University of South Alabama. He’s had a great baseball career. Now he’ll pursue a different career.
In other news, a friend from North Carolina emailed me yesterday and asked what I had learned through my cancer journey thus far. The rest of this blog will be the crux of what I wrote back to her:
What have I learned? Dispersed through my last week or so of blog posts I’ve written about attitude and perspective. That is perhaps what I’ve learned the most in this journey. Regardless of what happens to the physical body, I still have sway over my attitude. I’ve also learned that regardless of how long the battle might be, my faithfulness and diligence must persevere. As I wrote someone the other day, “Just because I have cancer doesn’t mean that I can be a jerk to Eileen or anyone else.” Having cancer, another malady, or any other hardship is not an excuse to let our animalistic instincts and tendencies roam. That is, to let ourselves be governed by our natural tendencies toward bitterness, envy, inconsiderateness, or other Self-serving attitudes. Instead, we have to choose to live life on a higher (spiritual) plane. That is, count our blessings, be thankful always, and find the good in everything. Finally, I’ve learned more clearly that death is not a matter of “if” but a matter of “when.” Therefore, the “when” carries less sting and makes it more essential that I care about “how” I die. I hope to be strong enough to die living what I profess and teach.

Judgmental

There was a knock at the door yesterday evening. I answered the door and spent the next forty-five minutes trying to reeducate a person who was determined that I am going to hell solely because I am Catholic. Who knows, maybe he has some inside information but it’s unfortunate that knowing nothing about me, other than my denomination, he determined that I’m going to hell. I enjoyed the interaction although I totally frustrated him. He wanted to play gottcha but he just got himself all tangled up. I suggested that he stop judging people, especially according to their denomination without knowing anything about their relationship with God. Hopefully he left being a little less judgmental than when he came, although I doubt this fella comes back to our house.

Health Update

Eileen continues to do better although she has times when she doesn’t feel as well. She is definitely much stronger and it takes more for her to decide to sit back and take it easy. Eileen is quite careful to avoid the movements which are forbidden for her but she certainly fully utilizes the maneuvers she is allowed. Never too far is away is our youngest daughter who cheerfully helps in every way she can.
As for my status, I’m not really sure what to report other than that my symptoms are very erratic and unpredictable. That is probably the hardest thing in dealing with the pain. It’s hard to stay on top of it when the pain exacerbates when I’ve done little and is quite tolerable when I’ve been more active. For example, for the past couple of weeks, even brushing my teeth with my right hand for a moment sets my right arm off big time. Yet, on Monday I worked in the yard doing things which normally keep me from sleeping for a few days... but my arm had a rather tame response. It makes it hard to know what to mentally prepare for. I'm now on an additional prescription pain killer. I sure don't like more chemical concoctions going in me but I needed to do something.
My stomach is misbehaving more than it has in several months. I’m not sure what is going on there. However, my leg cramps and bone pain are mysteriously somewhat better. I don’t need to know why; I’m just thankful for the decreased pain and aggravation, especially when trying to sleep. My fatigue is fairly pronounced although I think some of it is from being laid back too long. We were gone for a week and then I did little for the following two weeks while Eileen was recovering. Now that I’m going again, I have to regain my stamina. Overall, we’re doing well.

Less Traveled

I hope that these last several blog posts remind us that we can’t merely show up for life. It’s incumbent upon us to live life on a plane higher than we naturally enter the world with. Thus we have to choose to seek Right rather than allow our own natural desires and natural tendencies to rule our lives. Regardless of how tired, frustrated, or disappointed we may be, we must choose to take the high road in our attitude and character. In a certain context, that is what the Bible is all about: Taking the spiritual high road rather than the natural road. Indeed, it’s the narrower road and the one less traveled.

When It’s Easy

I ended yesterday’s post by saying, “We have a great attitude when things are going good and have a bad one when things aren’t going our way. But what is that? Even the worst among us do that.” I’m sure many of you saw its inherent reference to, “If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?”
Yet, isn’t that what has always been wrong with those who think of themselves as being good? We are good when there is an audience, when it is to our advantage, or when things are going great. That’s when we find it easy to live on the spiritual plane and be “spiritual” people. But let a bad day happen; let someone wrong us; let our spouse or kids not live up to our expectations, and we resort back to our animalistic ways. In other words, when things don’t go our way, we resort back to our default setting of reacting according to our natural instincts and ingrained habit patterns. When things get tough, we act just like the worst among us, “tax collectors” and “pagans.”
To continuously live on a spiritual plane requires character and discipline. Yet, those traits are in direct opposition to self-esteem. Human beings naturally seek to boost self-esteem through self-gratification and self-image, which quashes character and discipline. Then our true nature and spirituality is revealed.
Regardless of how spiritual or saved we may judge ourselves to be, we are mere spiritual fakes and frauds if our great attitudes and spiritual perspectives are only present when life is going good. After all, being good when it’s easy is absolutely no different from how the worst among us lives his life.

Choice

Within us, there is the battle between living in the animalistic realm or in the spiritual realm. In the animal realm we live according to our instincts and what seems natural to us. The very same thing our pets do. In the spiritual world we seek to do what is Right regardless of what our natural instinct, personal habits, or upbringing might predicate us to do. For example, our animalistic tendencies desire for us to seek revenge for a wrong done against us, while in the spiritual realm we extend forgiveness. Likewise, the animalistic realm desires for us to strike out at an offender, while the spiritual realm may have us turn the other cheek. The animalistic realm may have us seek cover when things aren’t going well; the spiritual realm has us stand for right or confront a wrong.
We can never maintain a healthy attitude and a spiritual perspective as long as we hold antipathy towards another. The two are incompatible. Thus, we have to make a choice: We choose to either hold onto the pains and resentments we have towards others, or we can choose to have healthy attitudes found only in the spiritual realm…but we can’t have both. Oh sure, we can shift between the two worlds depending on the circumstances. We have a great attitude when things are going good and have a bad one when things aren’t going our way. But what is that? Even the worst among us do that.

Better Perspective

Let’s say that we agree that our moment-by-moment choices of attitude and perspective of life are what govern our general demeanor, our personality, and our spiritual outlook. Let’s suppose farther that our attitude needs improvement…and whose doesn’t?! Well, how do we improve our attitude? One of the first things we can do is to realize that our plight isn’t near as bad as it could be. If you are able to read this blog, there are millions of people who would trade places with you. Yet, they have great attitudes. Regardless of how bad your marriage might be, there are those who’ve had it much worse but made it work. No matter how sick you may be, there are people who are sicker or the circumstances around their sickness are worse. Yet, they persevered with a smile on their face. The point is, we need to stop thinking we have it so bad.
Secondly, as the Good Book says, we need to focus on the good things, righteous things, and true things. That’s easy to do this when things are going well. But the true test of our character is our ability to do it when things aren’t going so well or we don’t feel so well. We have to find the silver lining in every storm. We have to be so accustomed to finding a good attitude and perspective in everything that it becomes a part of our nature.
Thirdly, know that there is hope. If we are willing to put forth the concerted effort it takes, we can move the mountains in our lives. Notice I didn’t say we have to put forth the effort we are willing to. No, instead, we have to put forth the effort that it takes.
We can blame various circumstances and situations for our current attitude and perspective. However, ultimately, our current attitude is the one which we chose.